


More Than I Can Take

by Anonymous



Series: Add To Queue (Raichu's Playlist) [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU/AR, Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Job, Bottom! Shiro, Cop! AU, Cop! Keith, Cop! Shiro, DAD! SHIRO, Fluff, Gladiator! Shiro, Implied non/con, M/M, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Oral, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SHEITH - Freeform, Sheith Kink Meme, Spanking, Spooning, Top! Keith, body worshipping, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:55:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Takashi Shirogane has spent the last two years of his life in his own personal version of Hell. Only his memories of his life before have kept him going, especially memories of a certain dark haired, violet-eyed upstart-turned-partner.He wanted to see Keith again, just one more time. He wanted to tell Keith how he'd felt since probably the first time they met, back when Keith was a teenage delinquent and Shiro a fresh-out-of-the-police-academy newbie at the Marmora precinct.Just as he was starting to give up the last shred of his hopes for escape, tender fingers lift his chin, and grey eyes meet violet once more.// Inspired by "War of Change", by Thousand Foot Krutch. Find it on your friendly music streaming service!





	1. Wait, it's just about to break

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wofuru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wofuru/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [voltron_sheith_kink_meme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/voltron_sheith_kink_meme) collection. 



> Well, I love to torture myself, clearly, because here we are again with another chapter fic! ^_^
> 
> This came about thanks to my discovering an announcement post on tumblr about the Sheith Kink Meme collection, and this particular request caught my eye and screamed "WRITE A CHAPTER FIC FOR THIS THING" at me.
> 
> Currently I only have the one chapter, buuuut~, I do have a lot of free time on my hands coming up soon, so hopefully I'll be able to update this one regularly as well as add the last chapter and final edits to my other current WIP.
> 
> OG Prompt Request/Summary:
> 
> When he had gotten up that morning 2 years ago, never would he have thought that he would end up where he had. Moreover, even then, he would never have thought it would come to THIS. His mind was numb from whatever tranquilizer they had given him to subdue him, but that he was still conscious enough to lift his head and look around showed about his resistance. This wasn't at his advantage right now because it made more of them interested.
> 
> Who would aquire the champion ? The boss of the underground slave fight club, Zarkon, dying just recently had his closest men trying to get rid of anything they didn't want to the highest bidder. And nobody wanted to have to deal with Shiro, for he didn't not kneeled to anyone and would fight to the death to run away if they gave him any loose ends. So here he was now. A kidnapped cop who had been fighting other slaves or hired arms for the entertainment of the local mafia, his arms strapped above his head and his back against a table that had been flipped on the side so that he would be standing in all his tall figure, stark naked for the world to see. He felt embarrassed, humiliated, but it wasn't the 1st time he had to feel shame or pain since he had been caught from his porch at his apartment that morning. The scars he wore were the proof and his arm... his arm that Zarkon had taken upon himself to have it taken off and upgraded with a new one using the technology he had put money into to test the results on someone before opening the factory for more. Just another try to break his spirit and that still didn't work.
> 
> But now it was finally starting to give in. Why was he still conscious ? Seeing all those hungry eyes staring at all the places over his body, he would surely end up as a sex slave in one corner of the country by the signs of it now. He has to fight back the blush and the tears from climbing to his face, but it was easier said than done. The result just getting those eyes getting hungrier to bend him over and make him scream. But he didn't bend for just anyone, they would have to take it from his dead body.
> 
> There was a roar in the crowd, his mind not following and drifting hard. Like a familiar scent washing over his body, someone climbed the stairs, approaching. He heard his words without understanding. Fixated on those lips that turned to a light smile only for him to see for a second. That got his attention. He lifted his head suddenly to meet the purple eyes. His partner. It must have been an hallucination by then, but the dreamy savior was gesturing him softly to not say anything like it was a secret, so he did. If he was to see Keith one last time before dying, he would not ruin it. Especially not since he never had the chance to tell him how he felt about him all those years they’ve known each other. 
> 
> (This is a story where Shiro ended up in a fight club, got saved by Keith, his cop partner and returned to his normal life. A story where they ends up being more than just friends and finally him being able to put his life in someone’s else hands that he trusts. And there is more than one way to sooth out those scars... ;) )
> 
> (other tag: cis males, keith is 22 yrs old and shiro 25, both cops working as partners, modern setting)

_More Than I Can Take (For Sheith Kink Meme)_

 

Takashi Shirogane was certain of few things in life lately.

 

Right now, he was certain that he was chained to a standing table of some sort. Every shift of pained feet came with it the quiet clinking of chains, and he couldn’t move his arms from where they’d been anchored above his head. He was dazed, sluggish, and confused. Gradually, he added the certainty that he’d been drugged to the list.

 

There was the dull roar of a crowd packed into the space behind the blinding lights. When his eyes finally adjusted, he saw countless strangers, men and women both. All of them leering at his battered, abused, and scarred body. At the prickle of tears building in his eyes, the gleam in the eyes of most of the people there burned brighter. He vaguely noticed some men in the crowd adjust the crotches of their slacks. Shiro twitched in disgust and fear and desperately tried to clamp down on the tears as best he could as the drug worked its way slowly through his system.

 

Shiro was also certain that he was dreaming. He had to be, there was no other explanation for it.

 

After all, how else could he be looking into far too familiar violet eyes right now?

 

Yeah, he was either dreaming or hallucinating. After all, he’d been deprived of food and sleep for the last thirty-six hours. There was a new wound across his torso which was bleeding sluggishly, and assuredly deep enough to leave yet another scar.

 

At this point all he wanted was to curl up and let it all end.

 

How had everything gone from fantastic to horrifying in his life? He was still asking himself that question, two years down the road, with no hope in sight. He knew at this point that he should stop pining for the old life he’d had, his life in the sun. He knew he should _stop_ , but it was the hope of standing in the sunlight again that had kept him going up ‘til now, right?

 

His chin touched his chest again as the fingers that had been under his chin released him, and his body sagged a little further against the wooden structure he was chained to. His wrist and shoulders ached, and his muscles trembled, while the mechanics in his _other_ arm ticked and whirred quietly against his ear.

 

He hadn’t even been aware of what was going on until he’d woken up five minutes ago. He’d stopped refusing the drinking water after that first time, when they’d only given him a _local_ anaesthetic to amputate his perfectly functioning, perfectly _normal_ arm, to replace it with something which had a more sinister background story than the rest of the world actually knew about.

 

He knew that they drugged his water more times than not, and still he had taken that life-sustaining mouthful in an effort to stay alive just a little bit longer.

 

Maybe it was a vain hope that he would be found alive, would get to go home, would be _saved_. A millennium had occurred in just two short years for Shiro, though he hadn’t heard anyone call him by his name in just as long. Talk between slaves was forbidden.

 

Talk between gladiators meant death, no matter how well you fought.

 

The buzz of the crowd in the auction warehouse had been full of sadistically pleased caws up until the violet eyed stranger had stepped up on stage. When the person had moved forwards, there had been a raucous commotion, along with some indignant cries for the interloper to remain where he had been standing and bid like a civilised slave-owner.

 

Shiro hoped this didn’t mean that Zarkon would appear from his office in his hand-tailored business suit to make an example of him because of an outburst he’d inadvertently caused. He didn’t think he could survive _another_ limb amputation.

 

As the violet eyed person conversed with the auctioneer, Shiro slipped deeper into his mind, into barely there anymore memories of a different time, a different place.

 

A time when he’d had it all.

 

A time when he’d been in love with his job, his life, and his beat partner.

 

He still missed Keith Kogane terribly.

 

**

 

When he’d first met the dark haired, violet eyed upstart, Shiro had been a newbie at the Marmora precinct. Funnily enough, Keith had been his first call-out as a beat cop.

 

It wasn’t anything too bad, funnily enough, just a call-out for a little neighbourhood vandalism, which ended up being coupled with underage drinking and smoking.

 

Fifteen at the time, Keith’s eyes had been full of determination and defiance as the senior officer confiscated the half drunk can of beer and what was left of the pack of cigarettes. Shiro’d been ordered to sit with the kid in the cruiser while the senior officer tried to contact any next of kin.

 

Shiro had looked at this scruffy looking, scrawny kid, and asked him a simple question.

 

“Where do you want to take your life?”

 

Violet eyes glared up at him, but he thought he also saw a glimmer of surprise.

 

“What?”

 

The voice was pitched low, and was barely a mumble, but even then, looking back, Shiro was sure he’d started to feel something for Keith even then. He’d waved his hands in front of him in a vague gesture, indicating all of Keith in his current glory.

 

“Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? That’s what I mean,” Shiro elaborated. Keith had huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, turning his glare out the window of the back seat.

 

“Dunno,” he mumbled petulantly. Shiro canted his head, hoping to catch the teenager’s eye. He smiled invitingly when he noticed a violet eye swivel towards him.

 

“It is hard at your age, knowing who you want to be, or what you want to do,” he conceded, pulling his hat from his head to scrub a hand through his hair. He looked back up at the kid.

 

“Hey, you know the Marmora precinct has a Police and Community Youth Centre, right?”

 

Cautiously, the teenager nodded. Shiro’s smile became a full-blown grin.

 

“Great! You should swing by and check it out sometime. When I’m not on the beat I usually pick up a shift or two there. You should consider signing up for a martial arts class, or gymnastics or something. All of it is free to sign up for when you’re under eighteen, and I think it’d be a better outlet for you than spray paint, cigarettes and beer. Don’t you think so?”

 

The teenager had look at him curiously, as if he couldn’t believe that such a nice cop existed in the first place.

 

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

 

Shiro had blinked, then promptly burst out laughing. He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes and grinned at the teenager.

 

“Believe it or not, I’m still technically a kid myself. I turned eighteen back in February, and signed up for the police academy as soon as I did. They thought I was good enough for the fast track program. Fast forward six months and here I am,” he tilted his head thoughtfully as he considered the kid in front of him. “So really, I’m not all that much older than you.”

 

“So what’s with the grey hairs then,” this question was less hostile and more teasing. It made Shiro laugh again.

 

“Genetics, unfortunately,” Shiro grimaced playfully as he tugged at his grey fringe self-consciously. “My twin brother was lucky, that trait skipped him. Our dad started turning grey when he hit eighteen.”

 

Shiro and Keith talked until the senior constable came back to the car and asked Keith if he could direct them to his home address, since his dad’s car was currently short one functioning car battery. Keith agreed, and that had been that.

 

Shiro didn’t cross paths with Keith Kogane for three years after that, though he’d kept an eye out for him on his PCYC days. He did, however, hear in passing about a teenager who had signed up for gymnastics _and_ marital arts classes.

 

*

 

The next time Shiro crossed paths with Keith Kogane, the scrawny teenager had filled out some, and he was standing in the conference room off the bull pen with the other new recruits. His new uniform was a little big on him, but that was nothing that receptionist Shay Balmera’s sewing machine couldn’t fix, he was sure.

 

Shiro had done a double take and nearly spilled his fresh mug of coffee over the case file he’d been reading through when he’d caught a glimpse of the familiar figure. They’d locked eyes through the conference room windows, and that was when Shiro had nearly spilled his coffee.

 

Now a twenty-one year old beat cop, the last thing Shiro had been expecting was that very first scrawny kid he’d spoken to about his life on that first call-out to be standing in the conference room with a shiny new precinct badge and uniform.

 

Shiro discreetly pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

 

“Ouch,” he muttered, as Keith broke eye contact, his attention diverted by one of the other new recruits.

 

Shiro had been sitting at his desk, talking with Hunk Garett, another of the beat cops. Hunk was currently telling Shiro about his plans to propose to Shay. Shiro couldn’t help grinning and teasing the giant of a man through it all. Hunk blushed and scrubbed at the back of his neck in his embarrassment.

 

“Do you think she’ll say yes,” Hunk asked nervously, glancing at Shiro from under his fringe. Shiro laughed and dropped an amicable hand on Hunk’s shoulder.

 

“Of course she will, you lug! You and Shay are a match made in heaven, and she’d frankly be an idiot to say no to you,” Shiro affirmed, taking a swig of his now lukewarm coffee with a grimace. Hunk laughed at his expression and breathed a sigh of relief afterward.

 

“I just feel so nervous,” he admitted. Shiro nodded thoughtfully.

 

“It is a big step to take, man. But if you feel like your ready, and it’s right, then I think you should go for it.”

 

“Who should go for what,” an inquisitive female voice asked.

 

Shiro _did_ spill his coffee that time. On his _lap_. In front of _three_ new recruits, who were standing in front of the two older cops, watching and listening with open curiosity.

 

Shiro cursed as the three newbies and Hunk sniggered at his misfortune. He snatched some tissues from the box on Hunk’s desk and dabbed at the wet patch across the crotch and down one leg of his pants. Thank _God_ the uniform included _black_ slacks. The last thing he needed was a visible coffee stain splashed over his _crotch_ for the rest of his shift.

 

When he looked up again, grey eyes met violet, and he paused.

 

_Definitely_ not dreaming.

 

He smiled fondly at the violet eyed young man in front of him.

 

“I see you decided what you wanted to do with your life,” Shiro greeted teasingly. Violet eyes blinked in surprise.

 

“I’m surprised you remember me, actually,” the same low-pitched voice admitted, pale cheeks pinkening with an embarrassed flush.

 

Shiro grinned teasingly.

 

“You were my first call-out as a green beat cop,” Shiro admitted, as if that said it all. Hunk crossed his arms and nodded sagely, drawing the attention of Shiro and the recruits.

 

“It’s kinda hard to _forget_ the first case or call-out,” Hunk intoned, which had the recruits nodding in understanding. When Shiro turned back to them, the violet-eyed kid had stuck a hand out to Shiro.

 

“Keith Kogane, and apparently I’m _your_ green beat cop for however long,” Shiro blinked in surprise when his heart beat a little faster at the phrasing, but accepted the hand shake all the same.

 

“Takashi Shirogane,” he answered. “I go by Shiro, and I guess that makes me your senior officer slash supervisor for however long.”

 

The other two recruits introduced themselves as Lance McClain and Katie “Pidge” Holt, Hunk’s newbie and a green forensic scientist, respectively. At Pidge’s introduction, Shiro looked at the tiny woman in surprise.

 

“Wait, as in Matt’s little sister?”

 

Pidge beamed pridefully.

 

“Uh huh,” she hummed in confirmation. Hunk looked at Shiro questioningly.

 

“Matt…?” Hunk asked. Shiro shook his head at Hunk in disappointment.

 

“Matt Holt, the head of forensic science _and_ CSI for the precinct.”

 

Hunk still looked blankly at Shiro.

 

“The guy who shouts the bull pen cheeseburgers from Hungry Jack’s once a month?”

 

“Ooh! _That_ guy,” Hunk hummed. Shiro sighed and shook his head, before he turned his attention back to Keith.

 

“Well then, Keith, you ready for the most hectic job imaginable?”

 

Determined violet eyes looked into his own steadily.

 

“Bring it.”

 

*

 

The last time Shiro had seen Keith had been on one of their rare off days. They’d been such a dynamic duo when Keith joined the precinct that their boss, Kolivan, had decided that Keith and Shiro could be partners full time.

 

They’d had a great two years, keeping the beat as crime free as they could, and investigating cold cases on their desk days.

 

That night, Keith had been over at Shiro’s flat to watch a rugby match with him. Both men were sprawled across Shiro’s beat up leather couch, beers in hand. A half-eaten bowl of cheese puffs sat between them as they sat in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

 

Well, as much as Shiro could while his heart was trying to pound its way out of his chest.

 

Since the day Keith Kogane had walked back into Shiro’s life, the older man couldn’t help but stop and take notice. He watched as Keith grew and flourished in the precinct and on the beat. He was a kind-hearted soul who could be a total hard arse when he needed to be, and as a beat cop, there was the occasional need to be a hard arse.

 

But it was more than that, Shiro just couldn’t put his finger on it at the time.

 

Keith had given him a friendly hug on his way out the door after the game had ended and he’d sobered up enough to safely ride his bike home. Shiro had listened to the sound of the powerful little engine roaring to life with a vague sense of disappointment that his partner wasn’t staying the night, though at the time he couldn’t work out _why_.

 

*

 

He’d dreamed of Keith that night.

 

Boy, did that dream answer the _why_.

 

In his dream, Keith had been sprawled under him, sweaty, panting, and very _naked_. Shiro had moved his way down Keith’s body in the dream to take Keith into his mouth. Keith had curled his body around Shiro’s head, clutching at his hair and _tugging_ , scratching at his scalp with blunt nails. Most importantly, he’d been moaning deliciously for him.

 

Then Dream-Keith had _spoken_.

 

“Can’t wait to get my cock in you, baby. Gonna make you come undone so beautifully for me.”

 

_Of course_ , that was the moment Shiro woke up to his alarm clock. Complete with sticky boxers, sweaty skin, and a very bad case of morning wood.

 

After a cold shower and some breakfast, Shiro had just stepped out of his door when someone had snuck up behind him. He’d dropped his keys when arms wrapped around him to lock on his head, a soaked rag pressed over his mouth and nose.

 

His last thought as he’d lost consciousness had been that Keith was going to kill him when he found him.

 

If he managed to survive, that is.

 

**

 

Shiro had quickly found out just _why_ he’d been abducted and forcibly inducted to the world of underground, black market slavery and gladiator bouts.

 

Apparently he’d gotten too close to the truth on a cold case he’d been investigating. Zarkon never told him which case, just that he’d scraped a little too close to home for Zarkon’s comfort.

 

So Zarkon had struck before Shiro could find out the truth.

 

His options had been this; keep Zarkon informed, and stay away from certain cold cases, or never see daylight again.

 

Shiro hadn’t realised what Zarkon had meant by that. He had assumed that he would be executed on the spot. At least then Keith and his other friends would have gained some closure when his body was eventually found, possibly years down the track.

 

How wrong he’d been.

 

Death would have been a much better option than the endless days of blood, violence, and abuse he’d suffered.

 

Shiro still thought it was a better alternative, and yet they hadn’t killed him yet, no matter how many times he’d attempted an escape.

 

Logically, he knew that Zarkon was trying to break him.

 

Emotionally, Shiro was at the end of his rope.

 

So, when another commotion picked up around him, and Shiro realised he could understand it some because the drug had worked through him a little more, he made a conscious effort to try and look around him.

 

His head felt like it was weighted down with lead.

 

He blinked at the sight of SWAT officials pouring into the building from every entrance. He heard a commotion behind him too, but couldn’t turn his head enough to see much. Just a lot of black cloth and a lot of guns.

 

When he turned his eyes forward again, it was to painfully familiar violet eyes looking into his as warm, calloused fingers reached up and unlocked his metal shackles. Too weak and disoriented to hold himself up, he fell, boneless, toward the stage floor.

 

Instead of the hard floor, he fell into warm, muscular arms. He turned his head to find concerned violet eyes framed by floppy black hair staring at him.

 

“Keith?”

 

A small, pained smile had Shiro blinking again.

 

“Hi, Shiro,” Keith murmured.

 

That low, concerned voice had Shiro’s heart singing at the sheer impossibility of it all. Keith couldn’t possibly be _here_ , with him in this room. It had to be a dream. The heartbeat he could feel against his cheek spoke otherwise.

 

He tried to smile, but he was pretty sure he barely managed to get his lips to twitch.

 

“You found me,” he mumbled, his eyes slipping closed. He felt Keith’s affirmative hum through his chest. Keith felt so solid and _real_ under his cheek.

 

If Shiro had the strength, he’d reach up to try and pinch himself.

 

As Shiro faded back into unconsciousness, he just barely heard Keith say something.

 

“Let’s get you home, Shiro.”


	2. Can't keep their chains on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro still isn't sure whether he's living in a dream or a nightmare.
> 
> What he is certain of is that he's terrified of Keith being gone from his life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by "Not Gonna Die", by a lovely band known as Skillet. Find it on your friendly music service and give it a listen while you read the chapter.
> 
> Also, yes, I am aware that this chapter is shorter than the last, but hopefully the next chapter will be a weeny bit longer, as I plan on getting Shiro back into the sunlight sooner rather than later ;). Don't worry, things will get better soon, Shiro baby! I just have to (attempt to) deliver some quality angst first (which I suck at, by the way, so I am hella surprised that it's been working alright so far).
> 
> Edits will be posted before chapter three, so keep an eye out then, as I'll add edit info in the end notes when I get around to it. Hope you all enjoy chapter 2!

_Shiro grunted in pain. The guard’s whip slapped against the cold cement floor behind him. The muscles of Shiro’s back twitched, but he refused to scream. He would not scream, not matter how many times they whipped him._

_He could feel blood dripping in sluggish trails down the length of his back._

_The stinging bite of the whip came down on his back again, and he bit his lip, muscles twitching in an effort not to flinch._

_“That should do, for now.”_

_At the sound of the cold, calculating voice, Shiro hunched further into himself._

_Zarkon was here._

_“Have you changed your mind? You know the pain will all come to an end the moment you give in to my wishes,” Zarkon murmured. His tone was insidious, the way it crept through his mind, demanding he give in._

_Shiro said nothing. He knew that the moment he spoke up would be the end of what little good still remained in his life._

_The short span of silence seemed to last for an eternity, before a disgusted scoff sounded above him._

_“Very well then,” Shiro sagged as the scuff of feet turning away from him ended the one-sided conversation. “Throw him back in his cell. Have someone make sure he doesn’t die of infection. He is our best gladiator after all,” with that command, the man who ruled the entire underground community left the room._

_He was thrown back first into his dirt-floored cell, and wasn’t surprised when his back start weeping pus just days later._

_The infection was brutal, and the blood poisoning was much worse._

_Worse still was the day they threw the lackadaisical guard who had hurled him wounds first into the dirt into the gladiator ring with a pack of starved dogs. They had made Shiro watch, so that he knew that his own lack of muscle control after a beating was the reason that one of his tormentors had suffered that fate._

_Shiro perfectly recalled the moment when a chunk of human viscera had been fought over by two of the dogs, and some blood had spattered across his cheek. He himself was still suffering the effects of the infection, so it had been no hardship for him to fall to his knees and bring up the bile in his stomach when he realised what had landed across his face._

_Just for_ that _, Shiro was given another beating._

**

Shiro woke on a scream.

 

He shot up to a sitting position, sweaty and shaking like a leaf. He panted, clutching at his heart with his mechanical arm. He stared blankly at the sheets in front of him, not realising where he was or how he’d come to be there. He was stuck in past events, reliving them on loop in his head.

 

“Shiro,” Keith’s exclamation registered in his brain, and brought him out of the fog of his memories.

 

Violet. There were violet eyes staring into his with concern.

 

“Shiro, I need you to breathe with me. Can you do that for me?”

 

Words. Keith was talking to him. Asking him a question. Slowly, Shiro nodded. When Keith took a slow, exaggerated breath in through his nose, Shiro did the same. When Keith let the breath gust out of his lips, Shiro followed his lead.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

He was still shaking, but his heart was slowly calming down, and his memories were losing their grip on him. When his breath finally stopped shuddering, his heart slowed its galloping pace. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh.

 

When he opened his eyes again, it was to find Keith, perched on the edge of his bed, relief shining in his eyes.

 

“Feel better?”

 

Shiro nodded, reached up to run a hand through his sweaty hair.

 

“Pinch me, please,” Keith blanched in surprise.

 

“Why?”

 

Shiro looked at Keith beseechingly.

 

“Because I still feel like I’m dreaming,” Shiro sighed again, looking to his hands, a grotesque contrast between each other, loosely curled in his lap. “Because I still feel like any minute I’ll open my eyes and wake up back in my cell,” Shiro turned his eyes back to Keith’s imploringly. “Because I’m terrified of opening my eyes to find that you’re gone again, and that I have no way of getting back to you.”

 

Keith’s eyes went wide, and he breathed a quiet gasp.

 

It was then that Shiro took the time to look around him. He was in a private room in a hospital, judging by the chemical cleaner smell in the air, and the faint sounds of beeping coming from the other side of the door.

 

He also hadn’t noticed the IV line in his arm when he’d looked down at his hands earlier. He followed the trailing line up to view the half empty saline bag hanging above his head on its stand.

 

“How,” Shiro cleared his throat when Keith turned his eyes back to him again. “how long was I unconscious for?” It was Keith’s turn to look down at his lap.

 

“It’s been a couple of days total. You were kinda in and out of it for a while there. I think the nightmares kept waking you, but you were too tired to stay awake?” Keith shook his head and looked back up at Shiro. “Something like that anyway. But the guys and I have all been taking turns to sit with you, make sure you were sleeping at least sorta comfortably, nightmares or no.”

 

Shiro gave a self-deprecating chuckle.

 

“Is this what it feels like when your dignity is stolen?”

 

Keith hummed questioningly. Shiro locked eyes with the younger man again.

 

“Keith, I – ” Shiro paused, swallowing the bile trying to gather in his throat. “What I’ve been through, the kinds of abuse and torture I’ve suffered for _two years_ ,” Shiro’s voice cracked with unshed tears, and Keith shifted just a little bit closer than before. “Just how broken have I become?”

 

His tears burnt slow tracks down his cheeks, reminding him of the disgust he felt with himself. Reminding him of his shame, and his terror.

 

He froze when warm, calloused fingers brushed the tears gently from his cheeks. Uniquely beautiful eyes gazed into his with such determination, such warmth, _for him_ , that Shiro felt as if time had come to a standstill.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Keith said quietly, firmly. “I don’t care how broken you are, and neither will anyone else who was worried sick when you disappeared. We’re _here_ for you, Shiro. Whatever you need, just say the word.”

 

Shiro sagged until his head met Keith’s shoulder.

 

“How many times are you gonna save me, Keith? How many times?”

 

Keith’s hands carded through his hair to massage his scalp.

 

“As many times as it takes.”

 

*

 

When Shiro next woke up, he’d been tucked back into his hospital bed, and Keith was resting with his head on Shiro’s lap and his butt planted on a plastic chair parked as close to Shiro’s bed as it could get.

 

The next thing Shiro realised was that it wasn’t a nightmare that had woken him up, but the warm, dazzling strip of light peaking through the curtains of his hospital room.

 

Shiro turned his head to gaze at the strip of warm, golden light, and bask in it. He truly had thought he’d never see the sunlight again, let alone get to bask in its warmth.

 

For the first time in the longest time, he felt a spark of hope reignite in his chest. That spark grew a little more when he turned to look back at Keith to find the younger man was shifting, sitting up and opening bleary violet eyes to look around him in confusion.

 

“S’it mornin’,” Keith mumbled sleepily.

 

“Uh huh,” Shiro murmured the affirmative. Keith jolted in surprise, then groaned in pain. Shiro smiled fondly as he watched Keith rub at his sore back.

 

“Okay, head on bed, butt on chair does not a comfortable sleep make,” Keith grunted, stretching in his seat slowly. He scrubbed at his eyes with a fist, before turning a more alert gaze on Shiro.

 

“How are you feeling,” Keith’s question was tentative. Shiro sat up slowly, the wound on his chest protesting the movement.

 

“Right now?”

 

Keith nodded. Shiro considered the question, and the jumble of thoughts running circles around his head.

 

“The feeling of waking up to the sun for the first time, it’s … well, strange doesn’t quite explain it.” At the look on Keith’s face, Shiro hastily added, “It’s definitely a good strange, though. I promise.”

 

Keith nodded, and stretched in his seat again.

 

“Okay, do you want me to open the curtains for you then?”

 

“Please?”

 

“On it.”

 

Shiro wouldn’t be admitting to anyone any time soon that his eyes followed Keith’s movements around the small space. He would _never_ admit to anyone that his eyes were at one point following Keith’s arse, which had filled out with the rest of him since the last time they saw each other.

 

Nope. Not gonna admit _that_ , it might just get him shot. _Maybe_.

 

“Well,” Keith threw the curtains open, and turned to look at Shiro over his shoulder. “I don’t know about you, Shiro, but I could use some food.”

 

Shiro was also never going to admit that he was literally breathless from the beautiful image that Keith made silhouetted by the morning sunlight. It didn’t matter to Shiro that Keith was wearing the same dark wash jeans, black t-shirt and red hoodie from the night before. It didn’t matter that his hair and clothes were sleep rumpled.

 

Keith was beautiful, and Shiro was still as much in love with Keith Kogane now as he had been before his abduction two years ago.

 

“Shiro? You want breakfast?”

 

Shiro blinked, and shook his head in an attempt to clear the Keith-induced cobwebs. He looked back at Keith again. Yeah, not much luck there.

 

“Breakfast sounds good.”

 

Well, at least he was functioning enough again to answer Keith this time.

 

When Keith left the room in search of questionable hospital food, Shiro groaned his frustration, and sat back against the pillows Keith had propped up and fluffed for him.

 

“My heart’s never gonna survive, at this rate,” Shiro mumbled, his eyes trained on the door, waiting for Keith to come back.

 

Shiro couldn’t relax until he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was edited 29/6/18! Nothing too major, just a couple wording choice fix ups ^_^


	3. Am I brave enough? Am I strong enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk and Shay see Shiro for the first time! Shiro also finds out where he's going to be staying while he's recovering from his ordeal, and Allura (finally) gets a mention ^_^.
> 
> This chapter is inspired by Halestorm's "I Am The Fire", head to your favourite music streaming service and give it a listen while you read.

The doctors told Shiro a few days later why he was suffering from chronic nightmares. He hadn’t wanted to come clean about the nightmares, but Keith’s looks of concern had grown worse with the passing days.

 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

 

Somehow the psycho-medical label felt like it didn’t describe accurately enough what he’d been through over the past two years.

 

He was currently sat up in his hospital bed, the insertion site of the IV was itching a little, but he could ignore that for now. The nurses told him that it would be coming out as soon as his hydration levels were back to normal and he could stomach three small meals a day. It was slow going, the food deprivation meant that his stomach had shrunk to almost nothing and the rest of his body had adapted to compensate for that.

 

As a result, too much food in one sitting had him throwing up almost immediately. He also had to work his way back up to balanced meals, because his body couldn’t handle much more than toast and eggs and orange juice right now.

 

He was shaken from his thoughts by a knock on the open door. He looked up to see Keith had poked his head through the door.

 

“Hey, feeling up to seeing some old friends,” Keith asked seriously, taking in the look on Shiro’s face as he asked the question.

 

Eyes wide, Shiro nodded. His heart started pounding in his chest, but he knew that he needed to do this sometime. After all, he could only get away with seeing just the doctors, nurses, and Keith for so long.

 

Keith’s fear turned to genuine surprise at the sight of Hunk Garett and Shay Balmera walking in behind Keith. Shay had a baby in a sling across her chest, a girl, if the pink beanie was anything to go by. Two young boys also followed into the room, each holding one of Hunk’s hands.

 

“Hunk! Shay,” Shiro exclaimed, a genuine smile crossing his face. At the sound of his voice, the giant of a man promptly burst into tears. Shay sighed at Hunk’s antics, and moved around the bed so that she could sit in the chair Keith had parked by his bed.

 

“It’s so good to see you, Shiro,” Shay greeted warmly, a fond smile on her face. Shiro noticed the ring on her finger when she brought it up to the baby in the sling as it protested Shay’s shifting to sit down. Shiro’s smile broadened.

 

“I see you finally managed to tie Hunk down, Shay,” he teased. Shay blushed and burst into quiet laughter.

 

“Yeah, I got to throw castration threats around when the twins and this little one were born too,” Shay grinned at Shiro conspiratorially. “ _That_ was fun, too.”

 

Shiro couldn’t help it. He laughed so hard tears came to his eyes. Hunk was still blubbering, his twin boys looking between heir dad and Shiro questioningly.

 

“Dadda, why you cwyin’,” one of the boys asked, tugging at Hunk’s jeans as Hunk ran a fist over his eyes.

 

“Yeah Dadda,” the other twin demanded, tugging at the other leg of Hunk’s jeans. Hunk sniffled, looking at Shiro and Shay, who were watching him, both with eyebrows raised.

 

“Don’t worry boys, I’m crying ‘cause I’m so happy,” Hunk croaked, crouching for a moment to chuck both boys fondly under the chin. The boys laughed at that. Once their sweet giggles subsided, Hunk smiled fondly at them. “Y’see, Shiro here is an old, very dear friend of mine, and he went away for a very long time. But he’s back to stay now and I was so happy to see him again after so long. It happens sometimes, boys,” here, Hunk looked at Shay with love shining clear as day in his eyes. “After all, I cried the day Mummy said she’d marry me.”

 

One of the boys gasped. “Mummy said you cwied when we was born-ded, too!”

 

Hunk nodded, grinning at his boys.

 

“Uh huh,” he agreed, straightening up and stepping close to the bed to give Shiro a very much needed hug. He straightened up again and looked down at the boys. “I cried when Layla was born, too,” His boys nodded, then look at each other.

 

“So, Dadda’s a cwybaby,” one asked. Hunk blanched. The other nodded.

 

“Yup. Dadda’s a cwybaby,” the other twin intoned. Hunk flinched. Shay sniggered at this, and the trifecta left Hunk pouting.

 

Shiro chuckled at Hunk’s expression.

 

“Seems that the family life fits you well, Hunk,” Shiro murmured, smiling at the sight of the happy family before him. Hunk blinked, then looked at Shiro with a smile.

 

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I just wish you’d been here for the start of things, man. It didn’t feel right that you weren’t there as well.”

 

It was Shiro’s turn to flinch now. He saw flashes of the last nightmare that had awoken him, and only came back at the feeling of someone sitting down on the edge of his bed.

 

It was Keith.

 

Keith’s eyes were locked on his, his breath was calm and even.

 

Breathe. Shiro needed to breathe. He focussed on Keith, breathed in when Keith did. Breathed out when Keith did.

 

He was still shaking when he came back to his senses, and Shay was glaring murderously at her husband.

 

“Hunk, I love you honey, but you’re an idiot.”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry, Shiro! I totally didn’t mean to cause a flashback or anything,” Hunk fretted.

 

Shiro breathed a shaky sigh and brushed his sweaty fringe up away from his forehead.

 

“It’s fine, Hunk. I’m the one who’s broken, not you.” Hunk waved his hands through the air in front of him.

 

“No way, Shiro, you’re not broken! You’ve just been through a _lot_ of bad experiences lately, and you can totally get past them now that you’re back where you belong, with us to help you out,” Hunk said seriously.

 

Shiro blinked down at his hands.

 

“I am _damaged_ , though, Hunk. What I’ve been through … I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let _alone_ anyone else,” Shiro sighed again. “The worst part is, I don’t think that damage is ever gonna go away.”

 

“Doesn’t matter if you think you’re broken.”

 

Shiro looked up at Keith. Violet eyes were glaring determinedly into his own.

 

Shiro tried desperately to ignore the feeling of arousal pooling low in his gut. He was in a hospital and there were small children present.

 

That and Shiro didn’t think there was any way in Hell he’d have a chance with Keith. Especially now that he was a scarred, broken mess.

 

Yeah, no way in Hell would he ever have a chance with Keith. Especially now that Keith had gone and turned into such a gorgeous man. There was just no way he’d even _think_ of someone like Shiro in _that_ way.

 

Yet here he was, sitting on Shiro’s hospital bed and staring into his eyes. Warm hands gripped his cheeks gently yet firmly, making sure that Shiro kept his eyes trained on Keith’s. Not that Keith would ever have any trouble with that in the first place.

 

“I don’t care that you think you’re broken, Shiro. I’m here to help make you feel _not broken_.”

 

Shiro shuffled in his seat to adjust the bulge in his sleep pants as discreetly as humanly possible.

 

“The same thing goes for Hunk and Shay. Hell, it goes for Lance, Pidge, Kolivan, and _everyone_ who knew you before you were taken. _We’re all here for you, Shiro_. We _need_ you back in our lives, just like _you need us_. So _stop_ thinking we don’t care or that we don’t want you after what you’ve been through. We’re here whether you want us or not, and we’re not going away any time soon.”

 

“Wow, Keith. I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you speak. Like, _ever_ ,” Hunk’s tone was deadpan, and quickly broke the spell Keith had cast over Shiro. He blinked, and came back to the hospital room, where there were more people than _just_ Keith there with him.

 

“Shut _up_ , Hunk” Keith grumbled, glaring at their friend. Shay laughed.

 

“You boys are a mess,” she teased. “But it’s okay, that’s what I’m here to help with.” Shay turned back to Shiro. “Have the doctors recommended a psychologist or psychiatrist for you to see on a regular basis yet, Shiro?”

 

Shiro shook his head. “No, they want me to do my own research and make my own decision regarding my psycho-therapy and my treatment for my mental health.” Shay nodded thoughtfully, then made grabby hand motions toward her husband, indicating the baby bag on his shoulder.

 

“Honey, can you grab my health journal for the kids out of there, please?”

 

Once the journal had been extracted from the nappy bag and handed to Shay, she flicked through the pages until she found what she was looking for.

 

She handed a business card to Shiro, who looked at it dubiously.  Shay squirmed a little in her seat.

 

“I got post-natal depression pretty badly after the boys were born, and I think that doctor Allura can help you out, too. She’s a psychiatrist, so she can prescribe any medication you might need, if you both think you’ll be needing it,” Shay blushed. “I don’t mean to sound pushy, she’s just really helped me out a lot.”

 

Shiro smiled as he shook his head. “No, it’s fine Shay, and thanks. I’ll give her details to the doctors here and see if they can reach out on my behalf or something. I don’t exactly have a phone of my own at the moment, or an address for that matter.”

 

“You can stay with me until things get sorted out.”

 

At that, everyone in the room turned their eyes on Keith in shock and surprise. Keith went red-faced at the attention. Shiro spluttered for a minute.

 

“Y-You, are you sure, Keith?”

 

“Absolutely. Whatever you need, Shiro.” Keith murmured.

 

Shiro was breathless again for an entirely different reason.

 

_Stay_? At _Keith’s place_? Shiro was going to die of a heart attack, he was sure.

 

“Well, uh-umm, alright, I-I guess I’m staying with you then,” Shiro stammered, looking down at his lap to attempt to hide his blush.

 

He looked back up when Hunk clapped a hand on his shoulder. Hunk was smiling at him.

 

“Well, we just wanted to make sure that you were being looked after, Shiro. You should come have dinner with us one night. I’ll cook my special super-secret recipe roast pork with all the fixings included.”

 

Shiro groaned in anticipation and laughed.

 

“Can’t wait, Hunk.”

 

The couple gathered up their boys, said their goodbyes, and left. Shiro flopped back into his pillows, almost boneless in his mental and physical exhaustion.

 

“It’s been a long day for you, huh,” Keith murmured, reaching up to shift Shiro’s fringe away from his sweat damp forehead. Shiro sighed tiredly.

 

“I hate being so weak, so … _not me_ ,” Shiro admitted. Keith nodded understandingly.

 

“It’ll take a little time, and more than likely a lot of effort, but I’m here to help, Shiro.” Shiro couldn’t read the look on Keith’s face, but he knew that Keith meant what he said, since he’d said it over the past few days as well.

 

“Are you absolutely _sure_ you want me to stay with you though, Keith? We both know I’m a mess already; I can barely eat, and I’m hardly sleeping…” Shiro trailed off, gaze fixed firmly on his lap. “I don’t want to start having waking nightmares and end up hurting you, Keith. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”

 

“You won’t,” Keith said firmly. Shiro looked up at Keith, surprised by the vehemence of his tone. “You won’t hurt me,” Keith said again, quieter than before. His gaze was fixed on Shiro. “I don’t know what you remember about me Shiro, but I’m tougher than I look.” Keith ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “Besides, you’re not the first person I know who’s suffered from PTSD. I can handle whatever you dish out at me. I’m – I’m not trying to push a decision on you, obviously, I just,” Keith growled his frustration. “I _need_ to know that you’re _safe_ , I need you here _with_ me.”

 

Shiro found himself suddenly breathless again. His heart had practically pounded its way out of his chest at this point.

 

“Keith,” Shiro murmured, awestruck by the man in front of him. Keith just groaned in frustration again.

 

“Sorry, you probably think I’m acting weird.”

 

“No weirder than I’ve been acting, I’m sure.”

 

“You’re not weird.”

 

“Neither are you.”

 

The two men glared at each other in silence for a moment, Keith with his arms crossed petulantly over his chest. Shiro deflated on a sigh, uncrossed his arms, and snuggled back into his pillows.

 

“How about we agree to disagree? I could use a nap,” Shiro yawned, blinking sleepy tears from his eyes. Keith nodded sharply, arms falling limp to his sides.

 

“You want me to go?”

 

“No!”

 

Keith raised an eyebrow. Shiro blushed.

 

“No,” Shiro said again, quieter this time. “Please stay,” he mumbled, cheeks darkening with another blush. “I always seem to sleep better when you’re around.” Now it was Keith’s turn to blush.

 

“Alright,” Keith mumbled, toeing his plastic chair a little closer to Shiro’s bedside.

 

Shiro relaxed at the feel of Keith curling his arms up on the edge of the bed. His body felt like a tightly coiled spring until the moment when Keith curled up by his side. Shiro had a passing thought that he should find that weird. He knew he’d been in love with Keith one-sidedly for a while now, but was it strange that he couldn’t physically relax without Keith around?

 

Shiro just hoped that Keith didn’t pick up on it. Because there was _no_ way Keith possibly felt the same way about him.

 

Shiro turned his sleepy eyes towards Keith to find Keith was looking back at him.

 

Shiro was _sure_ he imagined the tender look in the man’s violet eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, looks like I couldn't quite work in Shiro's first step into the sun in two years, but I needed to incorporate Shunk just a little bit for this fic :]. Now that I've done that (and finally worked Allura into the scheme of things!) Hopefully I can get Shiro's first day back in the sun worked into the next chapter ^_^.
> 
> Also I promise that the angst will give way to the smutty-fluffy-romantic stuff soon, I just don't know HOW soon yet.
> 
> Stay tuned for edits and chapter 4! Let me know how you guys like this chapter in the comments below x]


	4. I don't like my mind right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More nightmares, and a bombshell or two dropped. Will Shiro ever be able to get past everything?
> 
> (There might also be mention of spooning ... maybe >.>)
> 
> This chapter brought to you by "Heavy" by Linkin Park feat. Kiiara. Find it on your friendly music streaming service and listen while you read!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING! Implied/Referenced Sexual Abuse / Non-Con

More visitors came to see Shiro over the next few days. Pidge and Lance came by, as well as Pidge’s brother Matt. Hunk and Shay came by for another visit. Even district chief Kolivan stopped by.

 

Shiro still hadn’t been visited by any of his family. Doctors and nurses alike assured him this was more due to the potential mental trauma to him and his family that could be caused. His experiences changed him, and neither party wanted to hurt the other. Shiro agreed to the limitations the doctors set for now, with the hope that he’d be able to embrace his family again one day soon without the roiling ball of self-hatred and disgust curled low in his belly.

 

Keith had been called back into the precinct for work now that Shiro was recovering, so Shiro was back to intermittent naps and waking up drenched in sweat. He currently found himself in one of those situations.

 

It was two-thirty in the morning, and he was sweaty and trembling. His head rested in his hands while he panted as if he’d run a marathon. He was stuck inside his own head again, reliving memories that kept playing on loop in his brain.

 

These were the things he hoped his family _never_ found out about. The things he was forced into doing _other_ than gladiator bouts, beatings and starvation.

 

He hated himself for these reasons. His own body had _betrayed him_ , and every time he thought hard enough on those times, the urge to throw up was nearly impossible to ignore.

 

**

 

_He stared in horror at the unknown, naked woman strapped to a gynaecologist’s examination table, legs akimbo. She stared back at him. Equally as naked as her, and equally as horrified. Their stare down was broken when the guards forced them to swallow a little blue pill each._

_Shiro shifted his shackled feet apprehensively. The guards were smirking at each other_ and _them. Shiro noticed a mirrored window at one end of the dimly lit room and spared a passing thought to wonder if the man behind it all was “observing the proceedings” on the other side of the glass._

_Shiro hoped not. His sense of trepidation only grew with his chemically induced arousal._

_He didn’t want this._

_She didn’t want this._

_Yet here they were, at Zarkon’s command. Being forced to_ breed _, to_ procreate _. All so that Zarkon could “sell the progeny at a higher price than the parent, so long as the whelp took on the desired traits”._

_Shiro’s arousal curled up against his belly and he felt nothing but shame as the guards forced him between the woman’s legs. He cringed in pain when one roughly grabbed his cock and shoved the tip inside the woman. Then the chemicals and the instinct to thrust into the wet warmth took over._

_That and the sense of self-preservation Shiro still felt. It had only been two and a half months since he was taken. Somebody should be coming for him soon, he hoped._

_Soon enough that this woman would have a choice. He hoped for that desperately._

_His thrusting faltered as the hatred and disgust of the act he was performing overwhelmed him. That was when one of the guards took their whip to him._

_A single lash. A warning to hurry up and finish things if he wanted to avoid another beating._

_He had no choice but to keep going, but his self-loathing never waned._

_He came three times before his erection finally waned. He cried silent tears of relief when he was mercifully thrown back in his cell with a small cup of tepid water and a dry crust of bread. He’d never felt so grateful to be back in his tiny dirt floored cell before now._

_He'd had no idea at the time that he would be forced onto the same woman again and again over the following weeks until her pregnancy was confirmed._

 

**

 

“Shiro? Shiro!”

 

Shiro tried, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t even see for the tears blurring his vision. Gentle hands landed on his head and guided his head further downward, between his knees. Those same hands slicked his sweat-damp hair back from his forehead, and grasped both of his hands in their own.

 

His hands were guided to a chest in front of him.

 

“Breathe with me Shiro, nice and slow.”

 

Shiro breathed in a choked breath when the chest under his fingers swelled. He let the breath go when that chest dropped under his fingers again. He did this until he could breathe smoothly and evenly, without the breath stuttering in his chest. He looked up slowly to see Keith in front of him.

 

“Keith?” His pained whisper was as wondering as it was quiet. Keith nodded.

 

“One of the nurses called. She came in for the night check and you weren’t responding to her. I put myself down as your first emergency contact when we brought you here, so the nurse called me.”

 

Shiro looked from Keith’s eyes down to his hands, which were still on Keith’s chest. His hands, which had been forced to commit such evils he wouldn’t wish on anyone.

 

His forehead touched down on that same chest, and silent tears tracked down his cheeks. Then he was sobbing openly, weeping for the people he’d been forced to hurt. The people he’d killed.

 

Takashi Shirogane wept for the person he would never be again.

 

“It’s okay Shiro. I’ve got you. You’re _here_ , you’re _safe_.” Warm arms were around him then, and though he loathed himself more than anything else in the world right now, he sank gratefully into Keith’s warmth.

 

When he came back up again, tear-stained and red-faced, Keith passed him the box of tissues off the side table.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” Keith plunked down on the edge of the bed, then folded his sock clad feet up onto the tiny hospital bed, and settled against the footboard, legs crossed.

 

Shiro sighed wetly.

 

“I was reliving some more memories, Keith. Zarkon, he…” Shiro swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “He invented this _breeding_ program, while I was with them. I – I was forced to _participate_.” Keith’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move. Didn’t recoil in disgust. Didn’t run screaming from the room.

 

It was a start.

 

“I was only there for a couple of months the first time they forced me to do that to someone. I kept thinking that every time would be the last time. That I’d be found and rescued along with everyone else before the next ‘session’.” Shiro held his hands up between them, scrutinising the flesh and metal of his palms.

 

“These hands – they’ve done so much _damage_ ,” he dropped his hands back into his lap, forcing himself to look Keith in the eyes. “How do I even begin to atone for everything I’ve done, Keith?”

 

Keith blinked at the question. Other than that, his expression betrayed nothing.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Shiro. I honestly don’t, because I’d probably feel the same way you do if I’d been forced into those kinds of things.” Keith leaned forward, as close to Shiro as he could get without moving to sit in his lap. Which was not a helpful mental image right now given the seriousness of the conversation.

 

“What I _can_ tell you,” Shiro looked at Keith in surprise, not expecting the silence to be temporary. “is that, among the other survivors we rescued during the sting operation, we found three toddlers in a separate, creche-like area.”

 

Shiro couldn’t believe his ears.

 

“One of them looks a lot like you. When we questioned the other survivors, one of the other women admitted that the mother of the baby had died in child-birth. He’s the only unclaimed child, Shiro.” Keith leaned back again. “What do you want to do with that information? I don’t know what you’re dealing with right now, I just know that it’s eating you up inside. I told you this so that _you_ can decide where you want to go moving forward.”

 

Shiro stared at Keith, opened and closed his mouth wordlessly.

 

“A-Are you sure he’s mine?” Shiro croaked. Keith shrugged.

 

“I think he’s your spitting image. We can confirm it with a DNA test of course, but it’s up to you. Do _you_ think you’re mentally ready and able to raise a child _while_ you’re suffering from PTSD and recovering from that?”

 

“Is anyone ever ready to hear that they’re a parent?”

 

Keith shrugged. “Fair call. Well, you have time to decide, Shiro. There’s no rush. He’s in good hands here for the meantime.”

 

“Right.” Shiro’s voice sounded far away to his own ears, which was weird. Was this what they call an out of body experience?

 

“Keith?”

 

Keith hummed in answer.

 

“Why is everything so _heavy_?”

 

Shiro was _sure_ that tenderness in Keith’s eyes couldn’t _possibly_ be directed at him. No way.

 

“I don’t know Shiro. I really don’t.”

 

“Can you stay? I don’t want the nightmares to come back.”

 

Keith nodded, and resettled them both so that he was curled around Shiro’s prone form, the big spoon to the older man’s little spoon.

 

Shiro wouldn’t admit to himself that he relaxed immediately when Keith’s arm draped over his middle.

 

Shiro _would_ admit that he didn’t sleep well _without_ Keith in the room or the bed anymore.

 

Shiro was undoubtedly fucked, as far as his recovery was concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a busy few days coming up, but I did manage to squeeze out a short, angsty, dramatic chapter for you all. Unfortunately still no sunlight for Shiro yet but we're getting there, I promise! 
> 
> I just felt like dropping a bombshell or two and then leaving for a couple days. Because my mum is up visiting and is an OCD woman who will undoubtedly be roping me into her non-stop schedule of shopping, repairing and DIYing while she's up here. Don't even get me started one the fact that every time she walks through the door she HAS to find something to clean.
> 
> But also my birthday is kind of a thing that's happening this weekend so I do also need to get ready for the little celebration I'll be having with my friends.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and the little twists I added! What will Shiro do? Who knows; cause he sure as heck hasn't told me what he wants to do yet!
> 
> See you next chapter lovelies!


	5. Infinite as the universe we hold inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro struggles with his memories and his thoughts, and Keith looks gorgeous and gets snuggly.
> 
> This chapter is inspired by "Sun" by Sleeping At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the serial comment writer Tourmaline:
> 
> Your reactions are beautiful, and I promise that Shiro will get his moment in the sun VERY soon. Also, things always get worse before they get better, but mental illness doesn't make it seem that way. I've been using my own mental health journey to colour the darker parts of Shiro's personality for this first part of the story. It will play a recurring roll in future chapters but I promise things are going to get better from here.
> 
> Also I'm answering you here because it's much easier than replying to your comments on each chapter ^_^. Thank you for your support, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Shiro was at a point in his hospital stay where he was trying to ignore everything and everyone. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and ignore the world. He honestly hoped it would go away if he did that long enough. Well, sometimes.

 

The rest of his thoughts were taken up with dreams about one Keith Kogane. When they weren’t filled with nightmares of his time under Zarkon’s _care_.

 

He had murdered, he had raped, and he had been tortured.

 

It was now confirmed that he was also a father. Which was one of the reasons why Shiro wanted to spend so much of his time curled up in a ball. He simply wasn’t ready to be responsible for someone else’s life. Especially not when he was struggling just to look after himself again. Could it even be considered looking after himself when he hadn’t even been cleared to leave the hospital yet?

 

Keith had taken to coming straight to his hospital room after his shifts now. Shiro couldn’t sleep at all without Keith around anymore. The doctors liked to tell him that his brain was latching on to the first safe thing he recalled from his old life.

 

Shiro was too polite to tell them where to shove their opinions on his feelings for Keith.

 

His nightmares usually only crept back into his dreams when he could snatch a nap here or there when Keith couldn’t come see him. The memories were so vivid he could swear he was still living them.

 

He was still having a _lot_ of trouble believing he was in the hospital and not back in his dingy cell in some warehouse or other. The number of times he’d woken up screaming and sweaty were climbing steadily. The number of times he’d woken up on the floor because he had thrashed about so hard on the bed that he’d tangled himself in the sheets and simply rolled off the bed to the floor. The number of times he woke up clutching a pillow, having thought it was the throat of one of his gladiator opponents.

 

None of that mattered to Keith.

 

Shiro told him about the times he’d woken up like this, because Keith was really the only person he felt comfortable talking to right now. Keith had taken it all in stride, had told Shiro that it wasn’t his fault he kept reliving those moments and feeling those things. He’d been through things nobody should have to go through in life. His experiences had changed him, would continue to change him, and for better or worse continue to shape his path going forward as well.

 

Shiro had looked at Keith, completely awestruck. He had no idea how one man could be so completely, unbelievably _accepting_ of the horrible things Shiro had seen and done. Surely nobody like that existed on Earth?

 

Yet here Keith was, slouched forwards in his plastic hospital chair, violet eyes looking into Shiro’s own so intently that there was no way that he _wasn’t_ real.

 

As it was, today was an important day for Shiro. Today he was being released from the hospital, and he also had to decide whether his baby was going home with him, or going to live with next-of-kin semi-permanently until Shiro felt he was capable of devoting his time to the care of a young child as well as himself.

 

It made him anxious to think about it, but for the moment he could push those feelings aside and ignore them.

 

One of the nurses had come in earlier to check on him. He had been awake, just watching Keith sleeping beside him (in a decidedly _not_ creepy manner, though Keith would punch him if he ever found out). He had asked quietly if the nurse would open the curtains so that he could watch the sun rise. The nurse had given him a fond smile and did as she was bid before moving on to finish her rounds.

 

Shiro was currently watching the sun rise behind Keith’s shoulder, was left mystified by the way the warm light of the sun limned Keith’s features in a golden glow.

 

Shiro wouldn’t admit that he was stunned by the beauty of the image. Nope. He was _not_ pining for Keith, and Keith was _not_ breath-takingly beautiful in the first rays of morning with his peaceful, sleep-slack expression.

 

Shiro was also _not_ blushing, nor was he having to reach down to adjust a very sudden and _prominent_ case of morning wood.

 

After all, he was a broken man now. A shell of the man Keith had once known. There was no way in _Hell_ Shiro could continue to entertain thoughts of _what if_ and _but it feels right to feel like this_. Keith wouldn’t go for it, not in a million years. So Shiro had to _stop_ thinking and feeling the way he was and just focus on trying to get back some semblance of a _normal_ life.

 

Especially since his wasn’t the only life he had to consider now. Though that was still another unbelievable topic and he wasn’t sure how to move forward with that yet. Should he take on a toddler as well as his own care? Had his family been told about the baby yet? Should he call and tell them himself, and tell them that he didn’t know what to do?

 

He groaned quietly and threw his head back into the pillow with a soft _thwump_. It was almost too painful to think about being an adult again for the first time in two years. It was almost like he was a teenager again, fresh out of high school, and fresh into his own flat with nowhere to go and no plan for the future.

 

If only he had the same carefree personality he’d had then. That whole _‘it’ll work itself out somehow’_ mentality would sure come in handy right about now.

 

A quiet sigh from the body beside him had his eyes turning to meet sleep-hazed violet irises as they blinked open to the early morning light.

 

Shiro felt like he’d been punched in the gut at the sight.

 

“ _Beautiful_ ,” he mouthed the word, sure that Keith wouldn’t notice or be able to comprehend it first thing after waking up. Plush lips opened wide around a sleepy yawn and Shiro had to carefully adjust his pants and the hospital sheets again to make sure his _very_ obvious boner was concealed from Keith.

 

“Mornin’,” Keith mumbled, shuffling on the bed to snuggle further into Shiro and the pillow under his head. Shiro didn’t blush again when Keith did that. Nope. Not at all.

 

His warm cheeks said otherwise and taunted him for it.

 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Shiro answered quietly, smiling fondly at his friend. He really wished that he could stay in this moment, the two of them curled up in the tiny hospital bed, with the rising sun highlighting Keith’s features. It made Keith look almost ethereal, like some beautiful kind of alien that Shiro would happily allow to abduct him and not care if he was ever brought back down to Earth.

 

Shiro froze at the feeling of soft lips pressing into the skin of his neck and lingering there. Was it a kiss? No, it couldn’t be, because Keith wasn’t moving. The next thing Shiro felt was those lips parting enough for a gust of breath to escape them, and Keith shuffled a little closer again.

 

Breathe. Shiro should probably remember how to breathe now.

 

“Did you sleep?”

 

Shiro looked down at the mussed mop of black hair, which was all he could see of Keith at the moment. It was Shiro’s turn to sigh.

 

“A little,” he admitted. He moved so that he could wrap an arm around Keith. He was telling himself it was just because it was more comfortable for both of them that way. What he wasn’t telling himself was how good it felt to hold Keith close like this, even if it was only for a moment.

 

“Nightmares again?”

 

Shiro shook his head a little, which jostled Keith enough that he shifted to his elbows to look at Shiro better.

 

“No, I think it was insomnia this time, rather than the nightmares,” Shiro ran a hand through his hair, a frustrated sigh gusting from him. “I think my body is getting used to the lack of sleep.” The admission did nothing to alleviate the concern in Keith’s eyes.

 

Shiro’s fingers kneaded at the slither of warm skin between Keith’s shirt and jeans, and Shiro felt that even that sensation was something that he could revel in. It had been a _long_ time since he had been able to touch somebody or be touched without any kind of negative intent.

 

“This is nice,” Keith mumbled. Shiro hummed questioningly. Keith snuggled back into the crook of Shiro’s neck and shoulder, another yawn escaping him. “ _This_ ,” Keith murmured, nuzzled further into Shiro. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” Keith admitted, not moving from his place nestled into Shiro’s side. “The fact that you’re here, actually _here_ , and that I can see you, talk to you, _touch you_ …”

 

Shiro shifted so that he could look Keith in the eye. He was sure that he imagined the blush on Keith’s face until it darkened when Shiro’s eyes met with violet irises.

 

“Shiro, I…”

 

Before Keith could continue, there was a knock on the door, followed by the food cart woman popping her head through the door.

 

“Good morning,” she chirruped, stepping inside with a breakfast tray. The men greeted her and sat up, Keith sliding off the bed and resuming his usual place in the plastic bedside chair.

 

After that, the day shift nurse came in to check on Shiro, and what Keith had been about to say fell to the wayside as Shiro was poked, prodded and questioned. After that, things went into full swing as Lance and Hunk arrived, bringing with them some clothes that may or may not fit Shiro.

 

Shiro filled them in on what had been happening over the past few days as he tried on clothing, settling on a comfortable pair of blue jeans and a simple black t-shirt.

 

“Wait, back up a sec Shiro. You’re a _daddy_?”

 

Keith glared at Lance when Shiro flinched at the question. Lance held his hands up in surrender.

 

“Do I really have the right to call myself a father though? For one thing, the conception wasn’t exactly consensual. For another, I barely remember how to look after myself; how can I honestly expect myself to look after another person when I can’t even look after myself?”

 

“Well… we could help?”

 

All eyes turned to Hunk, who turned bright red in embarrassment.

 

“Uh, me and Shay, I mean. Like, I understand if you don’t want the baby or anything like that, cause like, you’ve been through Hell and back lately. But all I’m saying is that we could help you look after him, or have him stay with us for a while and help you work out how to be a parent while you’re working out how to be an adult again, if that makes sense?” Hunk shrugged, busying himself with folding up the clothing that Shiro didn’t need or didn’t fit him.

 

“Just, I don’t want you to have any regrets going forward, man. And like, you could be the _best_ thing that will _ever_ happen in that child’s life, if you give yourself a chance, you know?” Shiro’s shoulders sagged at that.

 

“I hadn’t really thought about it like that,” Shiro murmured, his gaze turning to the window, to the sky outside. His eyes turned back to the room and his friends when warm fingers circled his elbow. Shiro looked down into warm violet eyes.

 

“It’s alright Shiro. We’re here to help, whatever you need,” Keith murmured, giving the arm under his fingers a gentle squeeze. Shiro looked over at Hunk questioningly.

 

“Would…would you and Shay really do all that? I mean, I don’t want to impose or cause either of you any trouble, but I really don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to condemn the child to a life in the system because I’m not ready to be a parent, either,” Hunk smiled fondly at Shiro and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Whatever you need, Shiro. We’re your friends. Besides,” Hunk added with another shrug. “We already have all the handy-dandy parenting essentials, including car seats, change tables and baby cots,” Lance gave a snort that sounded suspiciously like laughter. At the trio of raised eyebrows pointed in his direction, Lance held his hands up in surrender.

 

“Hey, it was funny!”

 

Lance shrugged at the blank looks he received in return.

 

“Anyway, let’s get our arses moving! I’m sure you’re dying to soak up some vitamin D again, huh Shiro?”

 

Lance’s grin was infectious, and Shiro could hardly wait to stand in the sun again. It might only be a small thing to some, but to him, it was a leap in the right direction.

 

He could hardly wait to step into the light again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a crazy few weeks for me. I turned 24 (oh God), and I've been working pretty much non-stop (cash money make it rain XD), and have been some semblance of a social butterfly these last few days as well. It's nice to finally have some breathing room and a moment to get some chapters finished :). 
> 
> Next chapter will be up as soon as I get to writing it!


	6. Open up my eyes and show me salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter we take a peek through Keith's eyes during the morning Shiro and his son are released from the hospital. Shiro gets to name his child, and Keith is awestruck.
> 
> This chapter inspired by "Wake Me" by Underoath.

Since the day they’d first met, Keith Kogane had thought of Takashi Shirogane as a puzzle that was difficult to solve.

 

A difficult puzzle that was very much _worth_ solving.

 

Most people Keith knew had known that he was gay before he himself did. He hadn’t worked it out til the day that he first met Shiro. He’d had a few beers by then, and the nicotine was doing a number on his hormones when the gorgeous young police officer had stepped out of the car after the grumpier, older man with the moustache.

 

Keith was sure he would’ve had an instant boner if it hadn’t been for the alcohol in his system.

 

Keith had been all geared up to defend himself and his activities til the sun came up the next morning. All of his belligerent thoughts ground to a screaming halt when the fresh-faced officer had smiled at him that night in the cop car, while Moustache stood outside talking to his dad on the phone. Keith hadn’t wanted to leave that car, and had _definitely_ had a few inappropriate thoughts about what could be done with that officer’s handcuffs.

 

Keith thought back on that time now as he lay curled up beside Shiro in the narrow hospital bed. How different would his life have been without Shiro in it? How different would things be now if Shiro hadn’t been abducted and missing for just over two years?

 

Keith couldn’t help but wonder if he’d have gotten up the courage to tell Shiro how he felt by now if Shiro hadn’t been taken. He _definitely_ didn’t want to say anything now and overload Shiro’s brain, especially after what he’d been through.

 

The day that his informant told him that Shiro had been spotted in an underground gladiator ring in the city, Keith had been after the trail like a bloodhound, no matter how cold it might’ve been. If Shiro was still alive, Keith was going to find him and bring him back home, no matter what.

 

The most difficult part of the rescue operation had been dressing and acting the part of another stuck up rich snob there to peruse Zarkon’s “wares”.

 

Keith hadn’t been able to contain himself when Shiro had been wheeled out on that standing table, buck naked and unconscious. As Shiro’s head had lolled and his eyes had fluttered open, Keith had been moving across the rows of seats and vaulted up on stage.

 

He had to be certain. He had to know that this was definitely Shiro.

 

He ignored the protests of the auctioneers and guards as he tilted the man’s chin up.

 

Dove grey irises stared into his own eyes blearily. That had been all Keith had needed to signal the team with two quick taps on the wire in his ear.

 

Now here he was, breathing in the achingly familiar scent of the man beside him. Feeling the rise and fall of the warm, muscular chest so close to his own. Listening to his quiet, occasional snores, and relishing each sensation.

 

He wished more than anything for Shiro to be healthy and _whole_ , like he had been before his disappearance. He traced Shiro’s face with his eyes, traced the air above the dips and planes of that face with his fingers.

 

Keith knew he couldn’t change the past, but he was sure as Hell gonna change the future. Keith could only hope that he was someone Shiro still wanted in his life, after everything he’d been through.

 

And it all started today, with Shiro stepping outside again for the first time since he was found. Granted, the last time Shiro had been outside he’d been unconscious and strapped to a stretcher bed, but that didn’t count.

 

Keith wanted so badly for Shiro to stand in the sun again. To come back to the precinct and see everyone. To be able to make the right decisions by his little boy, who was being cooed over by the nurses in the children’s ward. He wanted for Shiro to be able to make himself a home, here in the city, with his little boy and his friends to help him find his way again.

 

There was a little ( _huge_ ) part of Keith that wanted to be part of the picture as well. That part of him hoped beyond hope that Shiro would notice how Keith had felt then, _still_ felt about him now. It was the same part of him that prayed that he wasn’t dreaming every time he opened his eyes and saw Shiro next to him in the hospital bed. That hoped desperately that he wouldn’t open his eyes one day and find him gone again.

 

He closed his eyes again as pre-dawn light filtered in through the curtains, and shifted so that he could nestle in closer to Shiro’s side. His lips pressed intimately to Shiro’s throat, feeling the way the skin shifted slightly as he breathed. It wasn’t much, but it helped Keith to keep believing that the man of his dreams, broken though he may be, was still lying beside him.

 

Soon it would be a new day, and the doctors would be stopping in with the release papers for Shiro to sign. After that, Keith would be helping Shiro settle into his flat for however long he needed. Shiro still wasn’t sure yet where his baby would be staying, but hopefully a solution would present itself. Keith was happy to have the baby with them, since he was Shiro’s kid, but he wasn’t exactly stocked with baby furniture and necessities.

 

Keith really needed to stop over-thinking things so much. All it did was give him a headache at the end of the day.

 

*

 

Shiro’s hand was shaking in Keith’s as they stood just beyond the doors to the children’s ward. Keith had the flesh and blood hand clasped gently between his own as he looked up at Shiro. His bionic hand was clenched in a tight fist at his side, the gears and metal fingertips giving the quietest sounds of protest.

 

“I-I don’t know if I can handle this Keith,” Shiro mumbled, reaching up and brushing his fringe back from his suddenly sweat damp forehead with his metal fist. He turned searching grey eyes to Keith’s own. “Do you think I can do this?”

 

Lance was waiting for them at the main entrance while Hunk went to bring his car around from the parking building. Keith and Shiro were standing alone outside the doors to the ward.

 

Keith met Shiro’s eyes squarely and gently squeezed Shiro’s hand to bring him back when he started disappearing inside his own head again.

 

“Listen Shiro, you _can_ do this. Your little boy is depending on you to help provide him with food, clothes, a roof over his head, and all the love you can give him when you’re ready to give it. He may not understand everything right now, but one day he will. And in the meantime, we’re _all_ here to help you raise him right and look after him. You can do this because we can _all_ do this.”

 

Shiro blinked, and his eyes, which had been staring into the middle distance, came back to lock onto Keith. Keith blushed at the intensity of Shiro’s stare. He watched the older man take a few deep breaths, before he nodded.

 

“Alright,” he murmured. “Let’s go in, before I panic.”

 

Keith tugged Shiro behind him through the doors. Shiro stopped at the sound of a child’s laugh as it filled the ward.

 

There were six beds in the room, though only one was occupied at the moment. The little boy on the guard-railed bed in question was giggling happily at the Disney movie that was currently playing on the TV for him. A paediatric nurse was sat with him, feeding him little mouthfuls of toddler formula in between happy giggles. She looked up and smiled at the two men as they approached.

 

“Good morning, Officer Kogane,” she greeted Keith enthusiastically. Keith smiled briefly in return, then gestured to Shiro.

 

“This is Shiro, he’s the closest living relative of Baby Boy Shirogane,” Shiro looked at Keith with an eyebrow raised.

 

“Baby Boy?”

 

The nurse nodded, a grimace on her lips.

 

“There were no official birth records for this little one, and according to Officer Kogane, the crib he was kept in only had a serial number of some kind attached to it,” she looked down at the baby. Keith glanced at Shiro to find his eyes locked on the child.

 

The little boy looked like a carbon copy of Shiro, with dove grey eyes and a little head of wild and messy black hair. His little cheeks were ruddy with his laughter, and his eyes, which had been trained on the TV, turned to them, open curiosity on the little face.

 

“Is…Is he okay?” Shiro’s questioning tone was soft and shaky as he stepped closer to the bed, dropping to his knees by the side of the bed. The baby looked at him curiously, and scooted closer to Shiro on his little bum. When he reached Shiro, he reached out with chubby little fingers until his hands touched down on Shiro’s cheek and the scar on his nose. Keith watched Shiro’s eyes fill slowly with tears as the boy explored the planes of his father’s face as Keith had done earlier that morning. He watched as Shiro’s tears rolled down his cheeks when his son grinned a gap-toothed grin at him. He watched as Shiro listened to the nurse explain that the baby was in perfect health and had been at the hospital and in the care of the paediatric ward for long enough that he’d already forgotten any trauma he’d suffered.

 

He watched as Shiro’s shoulders sagged in relief, as he scooped the little boy up and held him to his massive chest, over his heart. The baby cooed happily, tucking his head into Shiro’s shoulder with a yawn. Shiro looked down at the boy and shifted his weight back and forth slowly, gently rocking himself and the baby both with his movement. Another yawn and the boy tucked his thumb between pouted lips and dropped right off to sleep.

 

The nurse smiled softly at Shiro as she watched the scene play out.

 

“You’re a natural,” she praised. “I think you’ll do just fine with your friends help. DO you have a name for him?”

 

Keith didn’t think Shiro would have thought of a name so quickly, but Shiro continued to surprise Keith even now, so the younger man should’ve known better when Shiro nodded.

 

“Ryou, after my grandfather, I think,” Shiro murmured. The nurse nodded.

 

“Alright, I’ll have the girls at the front desk mark that down on his official birth certificate. Thankfully the serial number started with his birthdate, according to the forensics team, so we know his birthday at least.  He turned one year old last week, if the date’s correct.”

 

Keith stepped closer to look at the little round, sleepy face. He couldn’t help but smile as he unconsciously laid a hand on the arm tucked under the toddler’s bum, “Ryou suits him,” Keith affirmed, looking up at Shiro, whose eyes were still so full of unreadable emotions. His eyes were red from his tears, as was the tip of his nose. Keith barely resisted the temptation to reach up on his toes to kiss Shiro’s nose and under his eyes, and blushed when he realised that he’d thought of doing that, and that he’d almost done it instinctively.

 

Thankfully, Shiro’s attention was so focussed on little Ryou that he didn’t notice Keith’s red face.

 

“It does,” Shiro murmured, a fond little smile on his face. He looked up at the nurse again. “Are we alright to leave?” She nodded and smiled happily at him.

 

“Yes, you’re both cleared to leave as soon as you’ve signed everything. Don’t forget to ask the girls for a folder to put Ryou’s birth certificate in so it doesn’t get damaged, and find somewhere to keep it safe, okay?” Shiro nodded his agreement, before the men made their slow way through the hospital and down an elevator to the main entrance, where Lance was waiting for them.

 

The Latino pushed off of the wall he was leaning against at their approach, grinning at Shiro and the little boy sleeping in his arms. He whistled lowly and clapped Shiro on the back gently.

 

“Looks like you’ll have your work cut out for you when you take him home full-time, huh?” Lance teased as he led the way to Hunk’s car outside the doors.

 

Lance stopped to wait by the car as Shiro paused at the threshold, suddenly sweaty and shaky again. Keith’s hand on his back and voice in his ear, telling him to breathe and calm down soon brought him back to the present. Keith stepped around the man, turned to face him. The sun warmed his back, but he ignored that in favour of Shiro, who was struggling internally.

 

“Shiro,” Keith called tentatively, taking hold of the metal hand this time, since his flesh arm was tucked securely around Ryou. Shiro blinked at the ground, and it looked like a Herculean effort for him to look back up at Keith and beyond, to Lance, and Hunk, and the car.

 

Then Shiro looked at the line of shadow separating him from the sun, took a shuddering breath, and stepped over that line.

 

Keith gasped in awe as the man and his child were bathed in sunlight. The warm, golden light highlighted every dip and plane of Shiro’s face, and brought his visible scars into sharp relief. The silvery hair at his temples almost seemed to _shimmer_ when the light hit it.

 

Keith couldn’t help but think how beautiful this picture looked, even though Shiro only thought of himself as broken down and unworthy of anyone’s kindness after all he’d seen and done.

 

Keith disagreed. Shiro was a vision. Shiro was beautiful. Shiro was so worthy of love that Keith was left feeling unworthy.

 

Keith would give Shiro the world if only he could show Shiro how he was seen through other’s eyes.

 

For now, Keith would settle for the awed grin that slowly crossed Shiro’s face, followed by the contented look as he closed his eyes and took a moment – just a moment – to bask in the sunlight for the first time in two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally made it this far guys! Shiro has finally met his son and stepped into the light again ^_^. Things can only get better from here, right? Well, we'll see where the story takes me. All I know is that at some point there will be heartfelt confessions of love and of course the main reason why I've rated this fic as explicit, of course. After all, I live for the Sheith porn, so of COURSE I'm going to write full blown Sheith porn. I'd be letting myself down if I didn't ;P.
> 
> Also, how do you think I did writing Keith? I tried not to make his POV quite so angsty as I have been with Shiro in this fic. Let me know if ya'll think I should keep up the occasional Keith POV chapter or just stick to Shiro's POV please, because I'd really appreciate the input there.
> 
> I'll be writing the next chapter as soon as I find the perfect song for it!
> 
> (Also if you haven't already seen it yet - THIS FIC HAS IT'S OWN SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - also I update the playlist before I update the fic so if you want an idea of when the next chapter is coming slash want to listen to all the music inspiring this fic in one place, that's the place to go! Just search "More Than I Can Take" on spotify and you'll find it easily enough since it only has six songs right now ^_^.)
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	7. Maybe it's just my curse to assume the worst while I chase a better me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a peek into the home life of Hunk and Shay, with a sweet little moment between Keith, Shiro and baby Ryou.
> 
> This chapter inspired by "New Rock Bottom", by Eleventyseven.

The light was dazzling, and warm, and so _right_ that Shiro was left breathless for a moment. Standing there in the sunlight again for the first time in forever seemed so surreal. Add to that feeling the sleeping toddler tucked into his side and he felt like any second he would be waking up from this dream.

 

And yet, the warmth on his face continued to guide him to face it fully. The brightness compelled him to close his eyes in some kind of bliss. The sleeping baby in his arms overwhelmed him with a sense of love and protectiveness and _rightness_ that he hadn’t felt about anything in _so long_. And through it all, the continued presence of Keith at his side grounded him. Reminded him that this _wasn’t_ a dream anymore. That he was actually _here_ , in this moment, with the man that he couldn’t admit to himself that he was in love with patiently waiting for him to come back down from the high of standing in the sunlight again.

 

Shiro opened his eyes then and looked at Keith, who was stood there at his side, a blank look on his face, cheeks flushed pink, utterly still.

 

“Keith?”

 

Keith blinked, and the blank expression was gone, replaced with a gentle smile.

 

It was Shiro’s turn for his thoughts to grind to a stuttering halt. His cock might have also twitched in his pants at that smile.

 

“Sorry, spaced out for a minute there,” Keith murmured, turning toward the car.

 

Shiro was pretty sure nobody saw his eyes drop to Keith’s arse on automatic as he followed the younger man to the car. Well, he _hoped_ nobody noticed anyway.

 

*

 

Hunk and Shay had a really nice place out in the suburbs. Single storey, white picket fence out front, a swimming pool, trampoline, and cubby house out back for the kids. Four bedrooms plus a guest room, office space, rumpus room, spacious living room, open plan kitchen and dining room, bathroom and ensuite off the master bedroom. It had all the fixings and all the space their little family could possibly need. Even Shay’s over-weight chocolate Labrador, Balmera, had enough room to move.

 

Currently, Balmera was flopped over on the living room floor, tail wagging lazily as the boys curled up on the floor with him, staring blankly at the cartoon playing for them on the TV. Balmera had no problems being used as a living pillow, since it meant he didn’t have to go anywhere or get up any time soon. Their daughter was sleeping peacefully in a bassinet next to one end of the couch, and Shay was puttering around in the kitchen, the kettle boiling for teas and coffees. She also had a tin of toddler formula out and ready to go for when Ryou woke up from his nap. He’d been laid down in a travel crib in the living room for the time being, while the men all took a moment to breathe. Shiro in particular.

 

Shiro had looked around the house with interest at first, but now he felt as though leaving the hospital had been a little much for his mind to process. He felt drained, mentally and physically. He looked up when a mug with the Voltron Lions rugby team logo printed on it was set in front of him. Shiro vaguely remembered how he and Hunk used to get a ribbing from the other guys at the precinct for rooting for the Lions over the Marmora Blades, since they worked and lived out of the suburb of Marmora. Shiro couldn’t help the reminiscent grin that crossed his lips at the memory, and raised his eyebrow at the yellow colour of the hot liquid inside the mug. When he looked up at Shay, she smiled at him.

 

“It’s camomile tea,” she explained. “I thought you might prefer something to help relax you, rather than something with caffeine to key you back up again.” Shiro smiled at her. Shay had always been sweet, thinking of others’ needs over her own.

 

“Thanks, Shay,” he murmured, taking a slow sip of the warm beverage. The flavour was faintly floral, and sweeter than black tea or coffee. As he continued to sip at the drink, he found the tension in his shoulders dissipated slowly. Eventually, he found himself yawning as well. He hadn’t felt so tired so quickly in what felt like forever.

 

“You should go lie down for a while man,” Hunk intoned, covering a yawn himself as he hunched over his mug of coffee. Shay nodded her agreement. Shiro flinched at the suggestion. He _was_ tired, but how did he tell them that he _couldn’t_ get a restful sleep unless Keith was there in bed with him? How would they look at him? How would they react? Would they find him repulsive, freakish?

 

“Alright,” Keith intoned, standing easily and grabbing both their mugs to dump in the sink. “We’re gonna crash on the guest bed for a bit if that’s cool?” Keith directed this at Shay and Hunk, who nodded their agreement. Keith then turned to Shiro and held a hand out to him.

 

“C’mon,” he mumbled, as Shiro stared blankly at his hand for a moment. Shiro spared a quick glance to Hunk and Shay, who had stepped through the archway separating the dining table from the lounge room to curl up on the couch to watch TV with their kids. Slowly, Shiro reached out til his fingers curled with Keith’s. Keith tugged him gently from his chair and led him down the hallway. The third door on the left was their stop.

 

Shiro was greeted with the sight of a neatly made queen size bed, with matching side table and lamps flanking the headboard. Keith went to the blackout curtains and pulled them shut, closing off their view of the backyard. With the curtains shut, the light in the room dimmed considerably, but was still enough that Shiro could see by. He watched with bated breath as Keith stripped himself of his leather jacket and jeans to leave him standing there in a slightly too large for him black t-shirt and red boxer-briefs.

 

Shiro felt his cock twitch in his pants again.

 

Keith walked back across the room to him, and led him to the bed. Shiro stripped down to his own shirt and black silk boxers on auto-pilot, eyes locked on Keith’s the whole time. Before he knew it, he was lying under the covers on his back with Keith curled into his side, the warm weight of Keith’s head resting on his shoulder, breath ghosting slow and calm across his throat.

 

All the tension bled out of Shiro in a rush, and he breathed a quiet sigh, closed his eyes, and breathed in the scent of Keith, listened to the sound of their synced breathing, and felt as his heartrate gradually slowed while sleep tugged at his senses alluringly.

 

Eventually, Shiro could do nothing but concede defeat to sleep.

 

*

 

_Shiro was rock hard and panting. His fingers clenched and unclenched erratically. His dick throbbed in time with his pulse. His mind was in a daze as firm fingers skated over his abdomen, ghosted teasingly past his straining member, made teasing patterns on his skin as they made their way past his hips to the small of his back. Shiro’s muscles quivered in anticipation as those fingers ghosted over his crack, gripped his cheeks firmly. One hand let go only to smack down seconds later, and startled a moan from Shiro’s lips._

_Lips trailed kisses from his shoulder up his throat. They moved to his chin, suckled there for a moment, and trailed up his jaw to his ear. Teeth closed gently around the lobe, the teasing kisses and nips drawing more pleasured noises from Shiro._

_“Tell me what you want, babe. I won’t know what you like unless you tell me.” When Shiro opened his eyes at the sound of that voice, grey eyes met purple. Shiro reached up to sift fingers through the locks of black hair that flopped over those beautiful, beautiful eyes. Leaned forward to press their foreheads together._

_“All I want is you, Keith,” he murmured, pressing his lips gently against the younger man’s. Despite the lust-fever coursing through them, the kiss was soft and sweet and so_ right _. He felt fingers tangle in the longer locks on top of his head. His own were playing with the hair at Keith’s nape._

_“Love you,” Shiro moaned as those skilled fingers found the spot he wanted them to be most, slicked with lube and circling his pucker, pushing their slow way inside him. His back arched and his thighs trembled. Keith latched onto one of his nipples as he worked him open._

_“Love you so much,” Shiro moaned, louder than before. A low, deep chuckle sounded from against his skin, and purple eyes sparkled up at him._

_“You need to wake up now, babe,” Keith answered. Shiro moaned questioningly as Keith’s fingers left his body and left him wanting._

_“What?”_

“Shiro, c’mon. Stop dreaming and wake up.”

 

*

 

Shiro snorted and came awake, vision blurred.

 

“Wh’sit? Wh’s wr’ng?” He mumbled, voice still sleep slurred as he sat up quickly, blinking rapidly, knuckling the sleep out of his eyes. That was when noises of quiet grizzling registered in his mind. With cleared vision, Shiro looked around him to find that the bedroom door was ajar, and Keith was pacing the carpeted floor, Ryou being rocked by Keith’s movements.

 

Shiro couldn’t help but be awestruck. The sight of the man he had more than a crush on rocking his son was doing _very_ primal things to an already keyed up Takashi Shirogane. Shiro was surprised he hadn’t started unconsciously groping at Keith in his sleep earlier. Dumb luck maybe? Since he was pretty sure that Keith still had _no_ clue how Shiro felt about him.

 

Keith looked over at him and sighed in relief to see that he was awake. Keith turned back to the sooking toddler and turned the little one so that he faced Shiro.

 

“See?” Keith pointed in Shiro’s direction, and Ryou looked at him through watery eyes. “He’s awake, your daddy is awake. He’s alright sweet boy. He didn’t go anywhere, see?”

 

Ryou sniffled and whined, eyes never leaving Shiro. Shiro smiled softly at the boy when Ryou reached out towards him, tiny fingers clenching and unclenching in a grabbing motion. Keith shook his head with a rueful smile and came to sit on the bed next to Shiro. Ryou immediately latched onto Shiro’s shirt, tucking himself against his father’s chest. He tucked his little thumb between pouted lips and whined a little more as he settled himself, slowly calming down. Shiro reached up with gentle hands to situate Ryou and pat his little back gently but firmly when the boy hiccupped.

 

“Shay said when he didn’t see you nearby he started bawling. She thought it was his nappy or his appetite at first, but he was dry and his tummy wasn’t grumbling so those weren’t the issue,” Keith explained, sighing and carding his fingers through his hair. “That was when I woke up and went to see what was wrong. I brought him back here so that he wouldn’t bother little Sophia and wake her up.” Shiro nodded, humming in understanding. He looked up to find Keith smiling at him.

 

“He’s grown pretty attached to you already. Are you sure you want to live away from him while you sort yourself out?” It was Shiro’s turn to sigh now, as he looked down at the top of Ryou’s head. The toddler was still very much awake, self-soothing and enjoying being in his dad’s arms.

 

“I don’t really know yet, Keith. Would I even be doing right by him,” Shiro’s question came out strained, as his eyes searched Keith’s. “At the moment I don’t have anything, right? I mean, what happened to my house? What about my job at the precinct? Am I even still qualified to be a cop when I’m battling with PTSD?” Shiro looked back down at his son, who seemed so small cuddled up to his massive frame.

 

“Don’t think about all that right now, Shiro. Think about yourself, and Ryou, and what’s best for the both of you. Worry about getting your life back on track after that, okay?” Keith’s gentle hand on his shoulder made his skin spark and tingle with warmth. Shiro was finding it very difficult to look away from Keith’s mesmerising eyes. He was also finding it very difficult not to worry about the future, especially when his mind and body hadn’t been his own for so long. Going from being a strong, confident adult who knew what they wanted in life, to being a captive slave, and being thrust back into adult life again was a difficult transition for anyone to make. Though he doubted that there were too many more people alive in the world who could say they’d experienced anything remotely similar to what he’d been through recently.

 

Shiro sighed, breaking eye contact with Keith to look back down at Ryou, who had turned his little head to look up at him, blinking wide grey eyes curiously. Ryou grinned a gummy grin at Shiro, showing off four front teeth that Shiro hadn’t noticed he’d had before. Shiro smiled a small smile back at his son, who giggled happily around his thumb, reaching up with his free hand to pat Shiro’s cheek with tiny chubby fingers. Shiro chuckled lightly, though the sound was also one of distress.

 

“Is it okay to assume the worst of everything that hasn’t even happened yet?”

 

Shiro stopped breathing in surprise when he felt the weight of Keith’s head touch down on the shoulder closest to him.

 

“I dunno,” Keith murmured, shifting his head a little. It felt almost as if he was nuzzling into Shiro’s shoulder. “I just know that it’s okay to not be okay. I also know that I’m here for you, Shiro. Whatever it takes.”

 

Shiro rested his head on top of Keith’s, and enjoyed the quiet moment the three of them shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! SPOILERS MENTIONED!
> 
> Can I just say how unbelievably happy it makes me that Shiro is officially confirmed as gay? I mean, not like the fandom didn't see it coming from a mile away (we all have very vivid imaginations after all. Trust me. A LOT of ship research and reading has gone into this fanfic, my bookmarks list is proof of that). STILL! YAY! Shiro is gay! Just... why couldn't he be gay with Keith though? T_T I write for this ship for a reason damnit! Though I wouldn't mind if he ended up gay with Matt Holt, but then I need to see what this Adam is like first, as I'm sure we all do as well. 
> 
> END SPOILERS
> 
> Season seven COME AT ME BRUH! 
> 
> For now, enjoy chapter seven, and the knowledge that I legitimately found the chapter eight song today while I was writing this chapter, so the next chapter isn't going to be too far away! Thanks again for all of your support my lovelies, and don't forget to thank Wofuru, to whom this fic has been gifted. They ARE the one responsible for the prompt behind this fic after all!
> 
> See you next chapter lovelies!


	8. I'm nervous at my central for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief interlude of domestic fluff. Keith blurts a confession that leaves Shiro reeling.
> 
> Inspired by "Not Warriors", by Waterparks. Find it on your streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hi there!
> 
> It's been a W H I L E since I first started this chapter. I apologise for not getting it out sooner like I'd hoped to, but my depressive funks strike at weird times and can last from minutes to months, and when I get in that kind of funk I find myself unable to write anything that I feel is worth sharing. 
> 
> So, have this domestically fluffy chapter with just a touch of angst at the end. Hopefully will have something new to add to this fic again soon. Love you guys big!

When Shiro next became aware of his surroundings, he was leaned up against the headboard. Keith’s head was resting on his shoulder, and Ryou was curled up against his chest. Shiro looked around him in confusion for a moment. He realised that they must have fallen asleep at some point, because there was no light peeking through the gaps in the curtains. He smiled as Ryou snuffled quietly, shifting as his thumb popped out of his mouth. Shiro couldn’t help the little grin that crossed his face at the sound.

 

It felt almost like culture shock, in a way. He hadn’t even _begun_ to readjust to normal life yet. Not only would he be doing it as a man with mental health issues as a result of past trauma, he was also going to have to do it as a parent. He couldn’t help the feeling that a ‘but’ should be involved in there somewhere, as his gaze turned from Ryou to Keith, the look in his eyes turning a different kind of warm and tender.

 

How did he even begin to work through his own problems? Sure, Keith wanted to be there for him, as well as his other friends, and he couldn’t be happier that they would be here with him. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t help his feelings of sheer _inadequacy_. He knew now that he still loved Keith, even after all this time. He knew that he was a shell of the man that Keith had known before his imprisonment and slavery. He also knew that Keith was some kind of wonderful, and the most valuable friend that Shiro had ever had in his life. Which was why Shiro felt inadequate; he was a broken, used and dirty shell of the man he’d once been, and Keith continued only to see him as a friend.

 

Shiro sighed quietly to himself. He had a lot of work to do if he had even a shred of hope of becoming worthy of someone like Keith, even if it was only just as a friend. He turned his eyes back to his tiny son and couldn’t help the warmth that bloomed in his chest at the sight of the sleeping boy.

 

He might not be able to be worth something to Keith, but he could work to be worth something to the only son he had. It would be a hard road for both of them for a while, but Shiro planned to work hard to be someone Ryou could look up to.

 

Right here, in this moment, Shiro could simply be glad that Ryou wouldn’t know or remember the life he had been born into. He wouldn’t know the circumstances of his birth. He would grow and thrive, surrounded by life and light, rather than by death and darkness. If Shiro had any say in the matter, Ryou would _never_ know the life that Shiro had experienced.

 

Shiro froze at the sound of a quiet moan in his ear. He looked over as Keith shifted in his sleep. Moments later, another breathy moan sighed past the man’s lips. Shiro swallowed around a suddenly dry throat at the sound.

 

“Shiro,” Keith breathed. Shiro stiffened. It couldn’t be that Keith was dreaming about him, right? He continued to watch as Keith’s brow furrowed in his sleep. Keith’s nose pressed into the crook of his neck as the smaller man huffed out a breath. Shiro flinched at the feeling of sudden wetness on his skin. Was Keith crying?

 

“Shiro, don’t…don’t go,” Shiro’s breath stuttered and froze in his chest. “Don’t leave me,” Keith huffed again, and Shiro felt a little more wetness fall to the skin of his shoulder. Shiro felt his own throat close up a little, choked with emotion. Shiro wrapped his free arm tighter around Keith, who sighed and nuzzled deeper into Shiro’s side.

 

“Stay,” Keith mumbled. After that, the tears slowed to a stop, and the furrow in his brow eased. Shiro was floored, and couldn’t help it when a tear rolled its way down his own cheek.

 

Maybe, just maybe, he might have a chance after all, though Shiro scarcely dared to hope it.

 

***

 

Keith came awake on a gasp. He was still leaning against Shiro’s side, and he could feel a crustiness in the corners of his eyes. He could hear Ryou babbling quietly nearby as well. He opened his eyes slowly, reaching up to rub the crustiness away. With his eyes cleared, he blinked them open and his heart nearly stopped at the sight before him.

 

Shiro was limned in lamplight, back propped against the headboard as it had been earlier. He had a teddy bear in his hands and his son in his lap, and was entertaining Ryou by making the bear’s arms and legs move about as he danced the bear about in the air. The boy giggled, clapping his tiny hands together, and Shiro laughed with his son. His quiet throaty chuckle _did things_ to Keith that he was sure he had no right to be feeling right now. The perfectly domestic picture the father and son made shouldn’t be such an alluring sight to Keith, and yet here he was fighting to keep a boner down after just waking up from a nap with the man he had loved for so long.

 

His heart was also being ridiculous, trying to beat its way out of his chest and into the palm of Shiro’s hand. Keith couldn’t help but find it funny that he was still as hopeless as ever when it came to his feelings for Shiro.

 

When Shiro turned that beatific smile on him, Keith’s brain function ceased to exist.

 

“You’re awake,” Shiro murmured, turning back to Ryou when the boy tugged at one of the bear’s legs. The baby squealed with delight when Shiro had the bear ‘attack’ Ryou, making growling noises deep in his chest as he nuzzled the head of the soft toy into the baby’s belly. Ryou cooed as he clutched at the bear and cuddled it to him. His fingers clenched and unclenched around the fuzzy head and back, and shook the toy back and forth. Keith and Shiro both smiled at Ryou’s attempt to copy what his father had made the bear do earlier for him.

 

Keith looked back up at Shiro, his heart stalling in his chest at the small, gorgeous smile he hadn’t seen in so long.

 

“How,” Keith swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “How are you doing?”

 

Shiro turned his mesmerising eyes on Keith, and just like that, Keith had completely forgotten what he had just asked or why. Shiro’s eyes turned back to the baby, his gaze thoughtful as he considered the question.

 

“I’m not really sure, to be honest,” Shiro admitted, eyes trained determinedly on his child as he answered Keith. “I don’t quite feel like I’m in a dream anymore, but it’s still a _lot_ to process.” Shiro sighed, and reached up to rake a hand through his silver hair.

 

 Keith dropped his head back to Shiro’s shoulder again, both of them watching the baby play with his bear in silence for a while.

 

“I,” Keith hummed and glanced up when Shiro trailed off into silence as abruptly as he’d spoken. Shiro’s breath gusted out between plush lips taut with tension at the corners. “I want to stay. I want to … want to become a better person. For Ryou, and for everyone who seems so damn certain that I can bounce back from this.” Shiro turned his eyes to look down at Keith. “But I’m not so sure that I _can_ bounce back,” He added, his voice dropping to a strangled whisper. “I feel so … so _dirty_. The things I’ve had to do just to _stay alive_ , I feel like I could end up _contaminating_ everyone with my filth, my _badness_ , I –” Shiro’s tirade of self-hatred ground to a halt when Keith’s fingers pressed gently against his lips. Keith was sure he didn’t imagine the blush that darkened the colour of Shiro’s cheeks at his action.

 

Keith sat up again, to better look his long-time friend and love interest in the eyes.

 

“You are _not_ dirty, Takashi. You’re not going to contaminate _anyone_ , because you’re _not_ a bad person. You’ve had to do bad things to survive, but that doesn’t make you _bad_ , it means that you had the _courage_ to fight to live another day.” Shiro’s disbelief was evident in his eyes. Keith leaned in close, and his heart near flew out of his chest when his forehead came to a gentle stop against Shiro’s. His skin was _warm_ , and _alive_ , and it felt so unbelievably _good_ to feel that skin against his own. To _know_ that Shiro was _here_ , and not just another figment of his dreams was near unbearable to Keith’s self-control.

 

“You’re the strongest, bravest person I’ve ever known,” Keith added, his mumbling sounding strangled by the strength of his emotions. “I feel like _I’m_ dreaming just to have you back in my life again, _safe_ and _alive_ and _here_ …” A renegade tear rolled its slow path down Keith’s cheek, his throat tight and his eyes shining.

 

“Takashi, _I love you_ , so I’m always going to be here for you, whether you want me in your life or not. You mean _so_ much to me, and the last thing I want is to see you hurting, or to hear you telling me you aren’t worth it. None of that matters to me. Just you. _You_ matter to me, Shiro. You always have.”

 

Keith held his breath in horror once he realised that he’d just let a goddamn _lion_ out of the bag, forget a cat. He’s been holding tight to those three words for _years_. Now, suddenly, they were out there in the world, bare for all to see.

 

Keith didn’t know whether he wanted to take a flying leap off a building, or actually fly from the weight lifted from his chest.

 

Shiro’s lips were moving, but no sound was coming out, and the longer the silence reigned, the more anxious Keith became. Had he just ruined his relationship with Shiro? The one man in his life that he _never_ wanted to lose, for _any_ reason?

 

He was spared an answer for the time being when a knock came at the door before Hunk stuck his head into the room.

 

“Hey guys,” he greeted, his smile warm and open. “Dinner’s almost ready so I thought I’d come get you.” Hunk blinked as he took notice of the tension in the room. “Uhh, you guys okay in here?” He asked, concern lacing his question. Ryou babbled on and continued to play with his teddy, oblivious to what was going on around him. Keith sighed, and rolled to his feet on the far side of the bed, his heart aching in his chest.

 

“All good Hunk, we’re coming,” Keith mumbled, eyes downcast as he moved around the bed, and the giant of a man, and made his way down the hall. He ignored the sounds of Hunk questioning Shiro behind him, but stopped in the hall, leaning against the wall. He raked his hands through his hair, beating himself up at the thought of having ruined any chance he’d had of keeping Shiro in his life now that Shiro had been found and brought back into their lives. Keith didn’t want to imagine his life without Shiro in it now that he’d been back _in_ it, even though it had only been such a short time since they’d been reunited.

 

Keith couldn’t believe he was such a monumental fuck up sometimes.


	9. Can you save me now? You are my gravity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angsty thoughts and confessions - with a touch of passion and positivity. And lots of stubbornness from Keith. 
> 
> Chapter inspired by "Gravity" by Against The Current. Find it on your music streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *G A S P* Am I posting another chapter so soon after the last one? Why yes, yes I am. 
> 
> I'm on a roll, leave me alone *huffs*. 
> 
> We're finally getting to the nitty-gritty end of things; the romance is F I N A L L Y happening, and I'll also be introducing the main plot-point of the entire prompt over the next few chapters. 
> 
> Also if you don't follow me on tumblr - this story is feeling like it's almost done to me. It'll be over 10 chapters for sure though, don't worry kids! I'm not finishing this story up just yet, there are still loose ends to tie up. Projected chapter count at this point is 15-20, but ya'll will still see a ? for the total chapter count until I get closer to finishing. 
> 
> Right now, I feel like we're about half-way there, so I hope you can't wait to see where the story goes from here. I certainly can't wait to see which direction it take me ^_^.
> 
> Also yes - this chapter IS longer than the last one ;]
> 
> Stay tuned!

Keith left Shiro sitting on the bed, a babbling Ryou in his lap, in stunned silence. Hunk looked back and forth between Shiro and where Keith had disappeared down the hall.

 

“I … didn’t _interrupt_ anything, did I?” Hunk asked, his face the picture of confusion.

 

Shiro stood, propping Ryou on a hip, but he was still lost in his head.

 

Keith … Keith _loved_ him? _Keith_ loved _him_? Broken, dirty, used up Shiro? Was that even _possible_?

 

Shiro realised with sudden clarity that it _was_ possible, and that he felt the same way for Keith. Keith had so quickly become the centre of his whole world after the first time they’d met. This had also been true upon Shiro’s rescue. It’d been Keith who’d carried him out of that awful place, Keith who’d beckoned him back out into the sunlight for the first time. Keith, who had so vehemently denied that Shiro was broken beyond repair.

 

Keith, who had so quickly and firmly become his centre of gravity, the one thing that kept him tethered to Earth.

 

And Shiro had just sat there in silence like an idiot when Keith blurted his confession.

 

Shiro’s brain went into hyperdrive, running through the different ways that he could fix his monumental fuckup while his body worked on auto-pilot as he made his way to the dining room. Not an out-of-body experience, but as close as he’d come to having one.

 

 Keith was already sat at the table while Shay bustled around the length of the room, setting places and ferrying food dishes from the kitchen to the table. She ushered Shiro first toward the extra highchair she’d had Hunk dig out of the garage for Ryou to sit up at the table with them. There was already a little plastic bowl of mashed sweet potatoes with a tiny matching spoon set out for him. Hunk and Shay’s boys were sitting in booster seats at the table, while the baby slept on in the bassinet nearby.

 

Shiro strapped Ryou into the highchair, and came to a halt when he turned to find Keith sitting there, violet eyes trained on him. His heart skipped a beat, his lungs froze in his chest, and all the blood in his body rushed either to his cheeks or the bulge in his jeans.

 

When Shiro came back to Earth and became aware of his surroundings again, he was stooped over, one hand braced on the back of the seat next to Ryou, his lips pressed against Keith’s.

 

They were warm, plush, a little bit chapped, but most importantly, they were kissing him back. _Keith_ was kissing him _back_. A hand snaked up to play with the hair at his nape, massaging the skin there, while another landed firmly on his hip. Keith’s tongue was there next, and Shiro let him in, suckling gently on the muscle as it explored.

 

At the sound of a throat clearing, the two men parted unwillingly, to find the mirthful eyes of Hunk and Shay on them, as well as the twin boys cringing in disgust in their own seats. Ryou was giggling and clapping his hands, his tiny front teeth on clear display from his glee.

 

“Well it’s about damn time,” Shay proclaimed cheerfully, while Hunk deflated a little when she turned to look at him. “You owe me a dinner date sweetheart.” She winked at her husband, kissed his cheek, then went about doling out portions of rolled roast beef, mashed potatoes and vegetables around the table.

 

Hunk sat at the head of the table, while Keith and Shiro stared at both of them in stunned silence for a moment.

 

“Hunk,” Keith intoned. Hunk looked the picture of innocence.

 

“Yes Keith?”

 

“Why do you owe your wife a dinner date?”

 

“Because we bet a dinner date on how long it would take you two to realise how madly in love you are with each other. He thought you’d last a bit longer actually. I thought you’d work it out by tonight.”

 

Shay’s cheerful response came from the other end of the table, where she’d taken her seat to supervise the boys and eat her own dinner, having already served everybody appropriate portions of food.

 

Keith and Shiro blinked and looked at each other, faces flaming red at their embarrassment. Shiro’s brain stuttered to a halt yet again. Shiro still couldn’t believe that Keith had confessed to him tonight, let alone that he was ‘madly in love’ with Shiro. Despite those thoughts, Shiro couldn’t stop smiling as he turned his attention to spooning Ryou his sweet potatoes. The baby got more food on his face than he did in his mouth, but Shay soon taught Shiro how to get Ryou fed and cleaned up. When Ryou was done with his dinner, Shay disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, and returned with three bowls of fruit salad for the kids. Ryou’s bowl was full of softer fruits, like mango, watermelon, and grapes. The twins’ bowls also had slices of apple, pear and rockmelon.

 

Ryou cooed at the bowl of fruit, clapped his hands, and started shoving chunks of soft, squishy fruit into his mouth happily. Content that he was well entertained and well fed, Shiro turned to his own dinner with gusto. He found himself happy to just listen to the conversation around him as he ate his food.

 

His state of bliss might also have had something to do with the warm, calloused hand that rested on his thigh, the thumb massaging his skin through his jeans gently the whole time they were sat at the table.

 

*

 

Ryou was sitting up in the travel crib Hunk and Shay had provided them with, suckling on one fuzzy teddy bear ear, flexing his fingers into the softness of the stuffed toy. Shiro kept one eye on him, and the other on the novel he’d picked from a bookshelf in the house to read for a while. It had been a long time since he’d last read anything, but it used to be one of his favourite things to do before he’d been taken. It helped him to feel _normal_ , doing something as simple as reading a book, having dinner with his friends, or watching his son as he settled down in his crib, cuddling his stuffed teddy close.

 

Keith was in the bathroom across the hall. Shiro could hear him brushing his teeth in the background as Ryou looked up at him propped against the headboard of the bed and cooed at him, chubby little hands reaching toward him.

 

Shiro smiled and stretched as he stood up. He scooped Ryou out of the travel crib easily and propped him on one hip. Shiro walked him around the room, heading in whichever direction Ryou pointed towards, smiling as Ryou touched his little fingers to the wall, the windows, curtains and dresser top.

 

Keith returned to the bedroom to find them like this, Ryou’s fingers curled around the lampshade as he leaned forward to try and stare at the light bulb hiding beneath. Shiro gently uncurled the boy’s fingers and moved in a slow circle. Ryou soon spotted Keith and squealed, babbling excitedly as he reached for Keith. Shiro followed his son’s line of sight to find Keith watching them both with a smile. Leaning against the doorjamb with arms crossed, Keith looked the picture of cool and collected adult. Shiro felt unrepentant about the interested twitch his cock gave in the confines of his jeans for the first time in he didn’t know how long. Once he’d worked things out in his own head, it seemed so _simple_ to shut off the feelings of guilt and self-loathing when it came to his feelings for Keith.

 

Keith was such an integral part of who Shiro was _right now_. After all, Shiro might be dead in a ditch somewhere if Keith hadn’t fought so _hard_ to find him. The self-loathing was still there, and would _definitely_ be there for a while, but Shiro would save that discussion for a session with Dr. Allura when he had a spare moment to book an appointment with her.

 

Right now, all Shiro wanted more than the air he needed to breathe was to feel happy, to feel _normal_ , just for a little while. With Keith stood there smiling in his sweatpants and nothing else, and Ryou babbling happily to Keith from his own arms, Shiro felt like he _could_ be normal. Just for a while.

 

Keith looked up at him, their eyes locked, and good _lord_ if that smile didn’t do things to Shiro. If he weren’t holding a toddler right now he was sure he would’ve dropped to his knees to worship Keith. _Thoroughly_.

 

Ryou yawned suddenly and smacked his lips together, snuggled back into Shiro’s arms. Shiro started rocking the boy gently as he moved slowly through the room, circling back toward the travel crib. Ryou gave a small protest as he was laid down in the crib, which soon quieted when Shiro pressed the teddy bear back into Ryou’s hands. Eyes closed, the baby latched on to the same ear he’d been sucking on earlier and soothed himself until he was soon breathing deep and even, twitching occasionally in his sleep.

 

*

 

Keith watched the domestic scene before him, the smile never leaving his face. It had been a whirlwind of a night, and he finally had a chance now to talk things out with Shiro, to find out where they stood and how they would proceed moving forward. Keith just hoped that he wouldn’t come out the other end of this conversation with a broken heart.

 

Shiro straightened up, and Keith followed his every movement. It still amazed Keith sometimes how quickly Shiro had become the centre of his entire universe. He’d gotten comfortable with what he’d been allowed to have in the past. Then, just like that, Shiro was gone, and with him, the world dropped out from under Keith’s feet.

 

Now, here he was standing in front of him. He thought that he was broken, a shell of the man he once was.

 

Keith couldn’t disagree more.

 

Keith thought that Shiro was as beautiful now as he had been before. He may be changed, and he may be suffering for it, but Keith didn’t care about any of that. What mattered to him was that Shiro was _here_ , with him, alive. Keith could hardly believe it but for the fact that Shiro’s lips had been so real, so _warm_ against his own. The smile on Shiro’s face tonight was like the sun. Radiantly bright, so bright that it almost hurt to look at it.

 

Keith straightened as Shiro stepped toward him, and reached a hand out for the older man. Shiro stepped willingly into Keith’s arms. It felt _beyond_ good to wrap his arms around Shiro’s waist, to rest his forehead against the warmth of Shiro’s skin.

 

“Hi,” Keith breathed the word against the skin of Shiro’s collarbone. Shiro chuckled, the sound low and throaty.

 

“Hi yourself,” Shiro murmured in response.

 

They stayed that way for a while, breathing each other in. Shiro felt so incredibly _real_ right at that moment, that Keith could easily tell the part of his brain that still thought he was dreaming to shut the fuck up and realise that Shiro was _here_ , in his arms, and not going anywhere for a good long while if Keith had any say in the matter.

 

“I,” Shiro paused to clear his throat, and Keith pulled back a little to look at him. “I didn’t answer you, earlier I mean.” Shiro’s cheeks were pink with embarrassment, and he ducked his head for a moment to look at their toes. Keith reached up to tuck his fingers under Shiro’s chin, drawing grey eyes back up to his own.

 

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel comfortable, Shiro,” Keith murmured. Shiro shook his head, the look in his eyes was one of fondness as he looked at Keith.

 

“No, Keith. I _need_ to say it. Even if it’s something as big as this, I just … I need to feel like something is _normal_ and _right_ in my life for a moment.” Shiro breathed deeply, the air sighing past his lips. The smile on his lips was so tremulous and hopeful that Keith felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he waited for Shiro to speak.

 

“It took me a long time to figure it out, but you helped me realise tonight how I feel about you, Keith. The closest I’ve felt to normal since _you_ found me, has been when I’m with you. I don’t feel like much of anything is going to be easy moving forward, but I _do_ feel that I want _you_ there with me. I don’t want to be left alone in the dark again, Keith. I couldn’t handle it again.”

 

Keith did cry then, a silent solitary tear that tracked a slow path down toward his chin as he tucked Shiro back up against himself. He clutched Shiro all the tighter as the older man relaxed into him with a relieved sigh.

 

“I love you too, Keith. I think I always have. I just didn’t realise what I had until I’d lost it.” The smile on Shiro’s face was happy, and so were the tears burning in his eyes. Keith couldn’t help how his face split into a grin, or the way his heart practically flew out of his chest.

 

Keith also couldn’t help it when he leaned up just a little to press a kiss to Shiro’s lips. Shiro’s arms wrapped around his neck and drew him closer. Keith’s hands dropped from Shiro’s hips to his arse and brought him as close as they could get with the layers of clothing between them as sweetness gave way to passion.

 

The quiet noises Shiro was making for him had Keith hard in seconds, and he growled his pleasure when Shiro’s hips ground against his, hardness against hardness for brief, torturous seconds before the feeling was gone again.

 

Keith’s fingers dipped into the waistband of Shiro’s pyjama pants, massaging the skin at the small of his back softly, teasing at the cleft of Shiro’s arse with his fingertips. Shiro moaned louder, eager to continue wherever their passion was taking them.

 

Their ardour was soon doused when both men froze at the sudden sound that came from the travel crib. Both men turned their heads slowly to look through the mesh side of the crib. Ryou was still sleeping, but was restless in his dreams. He’d made an indistinguishable noise in his sleep and rolled over.

 

Ryou’s timely reminder of his presence in the room had effectively killed the mood that had been building in the room. Shiro and Keith couldn’t help it when the both looked back at each other. Wide-eyed, hearts still pounding, they burst into quiet, disbelieving laughter.

 

Keith’s head came to rest on Shiro’s collarbone again, and he thumped his forehead gently against the skin and bone, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“We almost,” Shiro choked on his words, still giggling to himself. Keith nodded wordlessly, mortified that he had let his feelings escape him enough that he’d forgotten the baby that was sleeping in the room _with them_. Keith patted Shiro’s arse one more time before his fingers retreated from the pyjama pants. Twining his fingers through Shiro’s, he guided them both to the bed. Once the covers were turned down and Shiro was comfortable, Keith turned off the overhead light, leaving the side table lamp on for them to see by in case Ryou woke up in the night.

 

Once Keith was comfortable, Shiro nestled into his side. Keith tilted his head down to kiss the silvery head of hair and settled back again, tracing patterns into Shiro’s metal arm.

 

It was going to be a hard road for both of them moving forward, but chief Kolivan didn’t call Keith a ‘goddamn mule’ for nothing. Keith was determined to help Shiro heal. However Shiro needed Keith in his life, Keith would be there for him, no matter what.

 

He couldn’t wait to see Shiro flourish again. Not the same as before, but a newer, wiser, more beautiful version of himself.

 

Keith smiled at the thought, and at the feeling of Shiro’s lips pressing against the skin of his shoulder, where they stayed for the rest of the night.


	10. Everyone's living in black and white, but we see each other in a different light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith go shopping, and have a bomb-shell dropped on them at the precinct.
> 
> This chapter inspired by "Infra-Red" by Three Days Grace. Find it on your streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Another chapter done and dusted! Bet you guys are super excited to have three new chapters so close together after such a long hiatus ;].
> 
> Don't worry, the smut will be coming soon, I promise. Keith and Shiro are just too polite to start playing around and exploring each other in a house where a pair of toddlers could walk in on them any time and where Shiro's son sleeps right by their bed ^_^. Soon, my pretties, soon!
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr sometime (link in profile). I like to share a lot of porn, and most of it is Sheith oriented lately ;P
> 
> See you next chapter!

Wakefulness came early for Keith. He lay there for a moment, blinking at the ceiling as he processed where he was and why he was awake. There was a warm, comforting weight tucked against his neck and shoulder, and another draped across his waist. He could feel warm breath puffing against the side of his neck, slow and even with sleep still.

 

What had woken him was baby Ryou, who was sat up and babbling to his teddy bear. Keeping himself entertained while the adults slept on no doubt.

 

Keith shifted, rolling onto his side so that he could get a better look at Shiro. In sleep, the bigger man looked serenely peaceful. His silver hair was mussed from nuzzling into Keith and the pillows, and his lips were slack. His eyelashes, thick and black and long, rested lightly against his skin, giving the barest flutter of movement as his eyelids twitched every now and then.

 

The smile that curled Keith’s lips was slow to come, and small, but it was there all the same. He didn’t think he could contain his happiness if he even bothered to try.

 

Takashi Shirogane, the man he’d been having wet dreams about since long before he went missing, felt the _same way_ about Keith as Keith felt about him. It was an intoxicating feeling, realising that he was loved in return. That he had a chance at a life with this beautiful, sinfully sweet, traumatised man.

 

He felt like he’d been seeing things in black and white up til now. Shiro returning his feelings had brought his world into screaming technicolour.

 

Keith also didn’t give a shit that the brightness of those colours was almost blinding in its intensity.

 

As he continued to watch, Shiro’s chest rose higher, breathing in a deep sigh as his eyes slowly fluttered open. Still sleep glazed, silver eyes blinked a few times as Shiro yawned, stretched in the bed, and smacked his lips together. His groan of relief as his spine realigned itself had Keith’s cock twitching interestedly in the confines of his boxer shorts. Shiro turned those beautiful liquid eyes on him and smiled.

 

“Good morning,” Shiro murmured, tugging Keith closer with the arm he’d resituated around his waist. Keith smirked and bent forward, dropping a quick peck to those smiling lips.

 

“Mornin’,” his voice was low and sleep-roughened still. Shiro’s cheeks pinked, and the big man quickly tucked his head back into Keith’s neck. They lay together in silence like that for a while, Keith drawing lazy patterns into the skin of Shiro’s back, Shiro occasionally peppering kisses to Keith’s throat. Keith didn’t feel the need to say anything to disturb the peaceful silence, and Shiro seemed content with this. He just breathed out another gusty sigh again and relaxed in Keith’s arms.

 

Yeah, Keith would gladly die and go to heaven right now, especially with Shiro’s taste on his lips.

 

They decided to get up when they heard movement coming from the kitchen. Keith rolled and sat up to stretch his arms over his head. He shivered in pleasure when he felt a fingertip run the length of his spine, and warm lips press against the skin at the back of his neck in a brief kiss. Warm, muscled flesh and cool steel wrapped around him in a tight embrace. Keith rested his hands on top of Shiro’s, leaning back against the big man’s chest.

 

“You doing okay? With everything, I mean,” Keith asked, patting Shiro’s hands gently where they rested interlocked on his chest. He felt Shiro nod against his back, head resting between his shoulder blades.

 

“Yeah. I’m still processing some things, but I think I’m doing okay at the moment,” Shiro murmured, releasing Keith to crawl over the bed and sit beside him. Keith smiled at Shiro, grabbing his hand and kissing the back of it before he stood and went to grab some clothes out of his duffel bag.

 

“C’mon, let’s get dressed and see what Hunk has cooked for breakfast. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

 

*

 

Big day was an understatement, as it turned out. Keith took Shiro first to his appointment with Dr Allura. He felt that the initial consult itself went well, but he was also left questioning himself even more than when he entered the building. She had asked him to seriously consider who he was as a person before he was taken, while he was taken, and who he considered himself to be now.

 

She also handed him a prescription.

 

“Now, this is only if you feel that you need to use it. I want you to seriously consider whether or not you need it _right now_ , or if you can wait before you try emotional stabilisers.” She tapped the paper in his hand as he stared down at the non-descript green and white page. “Chemical stabilisers _don’t_ always work, so keep that in mind before you decide to use these, alright?”

 

Shiro had nodded, he must have, because after that he was ushered out of the doctor’s office and was meeting Keith where he’d been waiting at the café across the street from the building he came out of. They had lunch there before moving on to their next destination; the local shopping mall.

 

Shiro could very safely say that he felt uncomfortable the whole time. There were just _so many_ people, more than he knew what to do with. Logically, he knew that both he and Ryou needed more than one set of clothes each. Ryou also needed his own supply of nappies and pull-ups since Sophia was a newborn and needed different sized nappies than Ryou needed.

 

Shiro let Keith lead him around the centre. Not because he hadn’t been here before, he used to come here to do his regular shopping all the time _before_. But this was _now_ , and Shiro was starting to feel overwhelmed by the number of people around him. Any _one_ of them could be part of Zarkon’s circle, and he wouldn’t know because he never saw faces. They were always only tiny blurs in the gladiator pit. Tiny blurs and loud, raucous voices.

 

Shiro shuddered at the memory. Keith looked back at him, concern evident in his eyes. He stopped to one side of the concourse, and drew Shiro’s eyes up to his with a finger under his chin.

 

“Don’t worry. We’re going to two shops, alright? One place to get clothes for you and Ryou, then the grocery shop for the nappies and pull ups. We’ll be in and out within an hour, kay?”

 

Shiro breathed with Keith for a moment, then nodded his assent. Keith smiled reassuringly at him, and pulled him into the nearest clothing department store.

 

As Shiro found out, Keith apparently wasn’t strapped for cash, because he decked Shiro out in a full wardrobe, and also paid for a handful of outfits for Ryou in different sizes. When Shiro had asked why Keith bought some of the baby clothes too big, Keith shrugged.

 

“Babies grow, right? I figure he’ll be wearing the stuff that fits him now for a month or two before they’re too small for him. Just made sense to me to grab some bigger stuff so we shouldn’t have to shop for him again for a little while, hopefully.”

 

A trip to the grocery shop later, and the two men were piling their purchases into the back of Hunk’s van, which had been loaned to them for the day, since Keith’s bike “doesn’t have anywhere to _fit_ what you’re gonna need to buy!”.

 

Their next stop was the precinct.

 

*

 

When Keith pulled up, Shiro sat clenching and unclenching his hands. His jaw felt tight, all his muscles tense and ready to run in the opposite direction.

 

Kolivan had called them that morning to tell them two things. Firstly, that they had some faces for Shiro to look at, and the accompanying voices to listen to. See if he recognised anybody well enough that they could be detained for suspicion of participation in an underground trafficking ring.

 

The second thing was that Kolivan had some new information about the case that would ultimately help or hinder Shiro’s recovery, depending on how he took the news.

 

Shiro didn’t realise he had stopped breathing until Keith’s voice was in his ear, lips against the shell, telling him quietly, gently, to breathe in. Out. In. Out.

 

“That’s it,” Keith murmured soothingly. Shiro heaved a dry sob as Keith rubbed his back gently. Keith turned Shiro’s face so that their eyes locked, and Shiro sighed when Keith pressed a slow, tender kiss to his lips.

 

When they parted, Keith wrapped his fingers around the back of Shiro’s neck to cradle his skull gently and rested his forehead against Shiro’s. For a moment, they sat in silence, just breathing each other in.

 

“You can _do_ this,” Keith murmured, pecking kissed to Shiro’s closed eyes, his cheeks, his nose. “Whatever you find out in there, I’m right here with you the whole time. Okay?”

 

Shiro breathed in shakily, and nodded. Keith pulled away to get out of the car, and came around to Shiro’s side to help him out of the van and into the precinct building.

 

*

 

Shiro had successfully identified about half the people in the line up presented to him as significant members of Zarkon’s inner circle. He sat in Kolivan’s office, shakily sipping from a plastic cup of water while Keith rubbed his back soothingly. They were sat like this for a while before the door opened and Kolivan stepped into the room.

 

The big, muscle bound section chief sat with a quiet grunt, tapped the case papers in his hands against the desk top to straighten them, then laid them out in front of himself on the desk.

 

“Well,” Kolivan sighed, running a hand over his short-cropped salt and pepper hair as he looked up at Shiro. “one of our informants told us yesterday, and those people you just identified were all too happy to squeal and confirm out intel now that this particular human trafficking ring has been dissolved.”

 

Kolivan looked tired, Shiro noticed. Like he had put more time and effort into Shiro’s case than sleep. Shiro wasn’t sure whether to grin like an idiot or blubber like a child at the thought.

 

He tuned back in at the words, “Zarkon Galra is dead,” and felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

 

“Wh-what was that,” he stammered, eyes wide. Kolivan and Keith both turned to look at him. Kolivan sighed again and pushed a piece of paper from the top of his pile toward Shiro. Shiro grabbed it, glanced at the type on the printed sheet to see it was a body intake form from the city morgue. The attached photo depicted a gaunt looking man with a square jaw.

 

His eyes were closed, and his face was sallower than the last time Shiro had seen it, but he knew it to be Zarkon. The man who had been haunting his nightmares of late.

 

“Apparently it was lung cancer that metastasized to his brain, bowel and lymph nodes. He was undergoing aggressive chemo when he passed in the hospital where he was being treated.”

 

Shiro felt as if his ears had been boxed, they were ringing so loud. Despite that, he could still hear everything Kolivan said clearly.

 

“Our suspects were all too happy to confirm that they had organised the auction _because_ of Zarkon’s death. They wanted to disperse the _merchandise_ so that nobody among them would be suspected of human trafficking should things come down to it. Apparently Zarkon’s son was the one to _suggest_ the auctioning of his father’s _wares_.”

 

Shiro couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He _really_ didn’t know whether he should be laughing or crying right now.

 

He was _gone_. Zarkon, his eternal tormentor; the man who had forcibly amputated one of his arms for no good reason. Who had whipped him, beaten him, and forced him to _copulate_ with women he had captured as well to _breed better stock_. The man who single-handedly had the black market and all underground dealings in the area by the _balls_.

 

_He was dead_.

 

Shiro had never felt so _free_. The iron weight that had been sitting on his chest since the day he woke up in the hospital to Keith’s face was gone as if it had never been. Shiro was shocked when he realised _why_ that was.

 

“I,” he cleared his throat around the lump forming there. “I was so _terrified_ that I would see him again. Out here, in the real world. I was so _sure_ that when he saw me, I’d be taken again, and that would be that. That I’d _die_ at his command one day. _He made me terrified to live again_.”

 

Suddenly, Keith’s arms were around his waist, and a head full of black hair was buried in his belly. Keith was knelt in front of his chair, hugging him around the waist in what couldn’t possibly be a comfortable position. Yet Shiro’s hands fell to those black tresses and stroked and massaged gently. Keith huffed and looked up at him with a fire in his eyes behind the tears he was holding back.

 

“I won’t _let_ you be afraid of living again, Shiro. Not ever,” Keith intoned. Shiro smiled down at him fondly and tugged a lock of hair near Keith’s cheek playfully.

 

“Thanks, Keith,” he mumbled. Kolivan grunted, and both men turned their eyes back to the section chief.

 

“Rest assured, Shiro. We’re doing everything we can to catch every vital member of this trafficking ring. They won’t be allowed to just pack up and move on so they can continue what they were doing. You _will_ be safe in this city, I’ll personally make sure of that.”

 

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate that,” Shiro murmured.

 

Kolivan nodded, and that was that. Shiro walked out of those doors, hand in hand with Keith, feeling like he could fly.

 

*

 

Shiro spent that night with Keith wrapped around him, his head tucked into Keith’s neck, and Ryou snuffling in his sleep beside them. He only woke up once in the night and that was for his son’s night feed. When he returned to the bedroom, Keith was propped up on an elbow, watching him intently with sleep glazed eyes.

 

Shiro put Ryou down in his cot and stood looking at Keith. Keith sighed and beckoned him with a hand.

 

“C’mere. Can’t sleep and you’re comfy.”

 

Shiro chuckled, yawned, stretched, and crawled back into his side of the bed. Keith immediately latched onto him and made himself comfortable, pressing kisses into the skin of Shiro’s throat until they both fell asleep again.

 

Shiro was still smiling when he woke up the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, just to clarify if you were confused reading this chapter - nappies is the Aussie word for diapers. Also, I'm aware that there are places in the world where clothes and groceries are sold in the same store, but that's not the case in my corner of the world. People go to Coles or Woolies for their groceries, and Kmart, Target and Big W for clothes, as well as all the smaller specialist boutiques and stores. But yeah, you won't find clothes in a Coles in my corner of the world, or groceries in Target. *shrugs*
> 
> Cheers, guys!


	11. If it's just you and me trying to find a light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro takes Ryou with him to a session with Dr. Allura, and things get more than steamy in the bathroom!
> 
> This chapter inspired by Mat Kearney's "Ships In The Night". Find it on your favourite streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well kids, I finally managed to write more than a couple lines of smut for you! Are you proud of me?
> 
> Sure, it's not a full sex scene, but it counts. Besides, Shiro still has a little ways to go before he'll be comfortable enough to give as well as receive. Cause lets face it, our boi was sexually abused and that isn't exactly easy to get past in any case.
> 
> Mayhaps there will be another session or two with the good doctor to puzzle it out before Shiro takes his turn to worship Keith, hmmm? ^_*
> 
> For now, enjoy! 
> 
> See you next update ^_^

A week later found Shiro sitting in Dr Allura’s office again. He had Ryou with him this time, so both adults were sat on the floor, playing with the baby as they talked. Ryou thought this was fantastic, especially as the pretty, mocha skinned, platinum haired doctor had a box full of second-hand toys she kept handy for the parents among her clients.

 

Shiro sat with his back to the couch in the room, a fond smile on his face as he watched his son play. Allura sat across from him, cross legged on a patch of carpet. Currently Ryou was sat in her lap, picking toys out of the box and passing each of them to the doctor. He would give a squeal of delight every time she made the dolls and bears and other toys dance in the air, until they found their way back into the box.

 

“Seems Ryou has a new favourite game,” Shiro chuckled. The doctor laughed with him.

 

“He’s adorable,” she cooed, turning brightly sparkling blue eyes back up to him. Shiro nodded, eyes trained on his son as the toddler stood on shaky feet with Allura as a support. Ryou looked around the room, found his father, and started walking towards him. Shiro watched intently as Ryou wobbled across the small space between doctor and patient. As Ryou inched closer, Shiro opened his arms for the boy. Ryou was in reaching distance when his little sneakered feet got tripped up on the carpet and he fell forward into his father’s waiting arms. He looked up at Shiro and grinned, displaying the two front teeth that had started growing in.

 

“So, you went to the police station after our session last week,” Allura prodded, glancing down at her notepad beside her. Shiro looked up, nodded and hummed an affirmative. Allura nodded, jumping on the potential trauma point.

 

“Walk me through what happened during your visit,” she prodded. Shiro sighed, looked down at Ryou for a moment, then closed his eyes to recall the trip as clearly as possible. He even included his trip to the shopping centre before that, and the anxiety attack he’d had. How Keith had pulled him aside and helped him to think clearly again. Then he told her of the visit to the station. How he’d felt identifying the members of Zarkon’s underground ring in the line up presented to him. How Kolivan had told them that the reason they were ultimately able to find him was because Zarkon had died in a hospital somewhere in the city, and that his son had called for the auction to ‘distribute the wares’ and ‘minimise the evidence’. Allura listened intently, taking notes as she needed to. When he was done, she scribbled a few more lines in her notepad, then turned her eyes up to him again.

 

“And how did you react? To the news of Zarkon’s death,” Allura queried gently, pen poised above paper. Shiro sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and looked back up at her again. Ryou was very happily distracted by a Barbie doll he’d found in the box, stroking the doll’s hair and tugging on her tiny shirt and shorts.

 

“I felt like … like a weight had come off my chest, I guess? I realised in that room that I’d been so _terrified_ that I was going to be found out here and taken again, and that I would die at their hands. I never even questioned _why_ the auction had happened when Zarkon was never known to auction off his ‘merchandise’. It never even crossed my mind. But, then again, I haven’t had to think like a cop for a while. I’ve only had to think in terms of my own survival for so long that shifting gears again has been … harder than I thought it would be.”

 

Allura nodded as she finished writing more things down.

 

“Did you experience a sense of shock? Euphoria?”

 

“Both, I guess? I mean at first it felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Then there was the realisation that he was gone, _really gone_ , I had the Morgue Intake report in front of me as proof. And I just – that was when that weight lifted, you know? That was when I realised that I was finally physically free of the man who’s been haunting my every nightmare for the past two years. And I just, I don’t know, after that I felt like I was floating?”

 

Allura nodded and scribbled until she looked up again.

 

“Alright, well that begs my next question; where do you want to go from here in terms of your mental health? You said you were physically free of Zarkon, do you not feel the same way yet mentally speaking?”

 

Shiro nodded.

 

“I still see him in my nightmares. Flashbacks, really. He’s left such a significant imprint on my mind that he refuses to vacate my thoughts as easily as he vacated the living world. I just … need to be _completely_ free of him before I’ll feel comfortable enough to say that I’m recovering mentally.”

 

Allura hummed an affirmative as she finished up her scribbling and folded her notepad shut, sitting it in her lap as she looked up at him again.

 

“Alright, here’s what I think. I think that discussing these nightmares and flashbacks of yours will help to desensitise you of them. So in future sessions, we will begin discussing those. What happened, how Zarkon was involved, how you felt viewing them again in your dreams versus when the event actually took place, and how you felt on waking. Most importantly, whether you experienced any subconscious violent movements to protect yourself; punching or kicking at the air, for example.” Allura got up off the floor smoothly, and helped Shiro to stand. Shiro bent back down to pick up Ryou and gently take the Barbie from him, which was then put back in the toy box.

 

“I’ll admit that I’m apprehensive about doing all of that,” Shiro mumbled, scratching at the back of his head with his Ryou-free hand. Allura nodded and smiled sympathetically.

 

“The mind is a complex thing, Shiro. Sometimes it heals, sometimes it doesn’t. It even has the ability to completely block access to memories of extreme trauma.” The doctor clapped a hand on Shiro’s shoulder amicably. “We’ll get to the bottom of this together, and work out what’s best for your recovery in the long run, alright? It will take time, but we’ll get it done.”

 

Shiro nodded, said his goodbyes to the doctor, and stepped out of her office. He stopped by the desk occupied by a moustachioed older man to book his next session, then went to meet Keith at the café across the street.

 

*

 

Shiro relayed the events of his latest session to Keith during the car trip back to the Garrett residence. Keith listened as intently as he could while driving the three of them back to the house, nodding and humming where appropriate, glancing over at Shiro from the corner of his eye when he could. When Shiro finished his retelling of his session with the doctor, he sat back in the seat and sighed, feeling suddenly drained.

 

“Do _you_ think the doctor’s idea will help you out in the long run, Shiro?”

 

Shiro shrugged, looking over at Keith, who was waiting for the traffic lights ahead of them to change.

 

“I don’t know, Keith. I _do_ know that I want this guy _out of my head_ , one way or another. He’s out of my world, now he needs to get out of my head so that I can move on.” Keith turned his eyes to look at Shiro for a second as traffic started moving again. He must’ve seen something on Shiro’s face in that split second, because Keith nodded.

 

“Alright, Shiro. Whatever you need, you know I’m here for you.”

 

Shiro smiled fondly at the younger man who had so thoroughly wrapped Shiro up in him. Boldly Shiro leaned across the centre console. He twined Keith’s free fingers with his and pressed a quick kiss to Keith’s cheek.

 

“I know, Keith. Thank you,” he murmured, before sitting back up, bringing Keith’s free hand with him so that he could play with Keith’s fingers as they drove the rest of the way home.

 

*

 

Shiro was in the shower in the guest room’s ensuite when he heard a knock at the door, which he’d left ajar in case Ryou woke up from his nap.

 

“Yeah?” Shiro called. He couldn’t see who it was, he had shampoo in his hair and suds trailing tracks down his closed eyelids.

 

“It’s me,” Keith answered. Shiro gulped, his cock twitching with interest. He washed the suds out of his hair and looked down at the organ in question. Plumper than normal but still mostly behaving.

 

“What’s up?” Shiro questioned, his voice quieter than before. He had a flush on his cheeks. While he’d made his interest in Keith pretty obvious, they hadn’t done much more than share a few heated kisses and cuddles in bed. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of all the scars that littered his body. Back in the day he used to be completely free of scars. After having to fight for his life and suffer severe beatings and whippings that wasn’t the case any longer. Shiro _really_ wanted Keith to come in at the same time that he _didn’t_ want Keith to come in. He didn’t want to lose whatever he had with Keith over his damaged, used up body.

 

“Just checking in with you. You’ve been in there a little while and Hunk says dinner is nearly ready.”

 

“I’m okay,” Shiro answered, reaching for the conditioner. “Just been lost in my head a bit I guess,” he added as he smoothed the conditioner into his hair and washed it out soon after.

 

He was reaching for the soap when Keith said, “Is it okay if I come in there with you? It’s hard to hear you out here through the door.”

 

Shiro gulped, glanced down at his scar crossed torso, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

Now? Or never?

 

“Uh, sure,” Shiro intoned. He was sure he could hear the quaver in his voice. He listened intently as the door gave a quiet squeak on its hinges as it was pushed open, then mostly closed again. He was thankful that the water on the translucent glass obscured him from Keith’s intent gaze as he kept soaping himself up all over, working up a nice sudsy layer. He watched as Keith’s water blurred form sat on the edge of the tub next to the shower.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Keith’s question was quiet. Gently probing to gauge how Shiro was feeling.

 

“Well, I’m a little nervous right now,” he admitted.

 

He almost missed the quiet “why?” that came from Keith.

 

“Because I … I’m not the man you knew when I was taken,” Shiro admitted.

 

“I already know that,” Keith retorted.

 

“ _Thatincludesmybody_ ,” Shiro exclaimed in one breath.

 

Silence reigned, broken only by the _shushing_ of the shower until Shiro reached over to turn the taps off, having rinsed off the soap. Shiro saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and looked up. He was surprised to see that Keith was standing in front of the shower door, Shiro’s towel in hand.

 

“Open the door,” Keith murmured. Shiro could hear the quiet determination in his voice. Shiro clutched at the tiny interior handle like a lifeline as he pushed the door open. He stepped shakily out into Keith’s waiting arms, feeling the soft, fluffy towel wrap around him as Keith rubbed him dry.

 

If Shiro weren’t so afraid of Keith’s reaction, he was sure that he’d be achingly hard for the man in front of him.

 

Keith let the towel drop to the floor when he was done with it, eyes locked on a prominent scar on Shiro’s chest. Shiro swallowed the bile in his throat as Keith looked him over with an almost critical eye. He reached out, and gently traced over the scars that littered his chest and abdomen.

 

Shiro held his breath.

 

His breath shuddered out of his lungs in a quiet sigh as Keith’s fingers trailed the scars that littered his skin. Slowly, slowly, Keith’s fingers trailed downward. He twitched visibly when Keith’s fingers trailed down his belly, a quiet gasp escaping him. Shiro’s eyes fell closed and his cock twitched its interest again as Keith’s fingers skimmed down his belly to his thighs.

 

Shiro felt when Keith’s warm, calloused hands skimmed back upwards to come to a stop resting on his hips. Slowly he opened his eyes to see Keith staring up at him. The younger man’s eyes were dark with desire, and made Shiro shiver in the steamy air of the bathroom.

 

“Takashi, I don’t give a shit how many scars you have, physical or otherwise,” Keith murmured as he pulled the larger man closer. “I don’t give a shit about any of that, other than the fact that I wish I could’ve killed that Zarkon bastard myself. You’ve been so much a part of me for so long that you could be in a wheelchair, or missing an eye, and I _still_ wouldn’t give a flying fuck what you look like.”

 

Warm, questing lips met his skin, trailing along each of the scars on his torso that they could reach. By the time Keith was looking up at him from his knees, Shiro’s member was standing proudly at attention, and Shiro himself was a gasping, quivering mass of anticipation.

 

Then those lips pressed against the side of his cock in the barest butterfly kiss that had Shiro twitching and whining pathetically.

 

“I don’t give a shit about any of that, because _I know you_ , Takashi.” The words sounded muffled since they were said into the skin of his member, which Keith now had his fingers wrapped around at the base. His hot breath on the sensitive skin continued to leave Shiro a quivering, panting mess above the younger man, who was looking up at him with such intensity that Shiro could hardly deny him anything, let alone the words he was saying. Though Shiro was having a difficult time keeping up with Keith’s words when those fingers and that mouth were on his hardened shaft, teasing him mercilessly.

 

“I _know_ you, and to me, you’re beautiful, Takashi,” Keith whispered the last against his skin, then licked a stripe up the underside of Shiro’s cock and kissed the head. Shiro moaned again as his hands dropped into that floppy black hair that Shiro had come to _love_ playing with when they cuddled up in bed for the night.

 

Hot wetness engulfed him, and Shiro nearly screamed as his body curled up around Keith’s head. His breath came in shallow gasps, and his face felt flushed and hot. His heart was pounding in his chest even as his anxiety over Keith not wanting him went flying out the window. His experiences with Zarkon’s breeding program flew out the window. _Zarkon_ flew out of the window. All that was left was this moment, this pleasure, and Keith. Keith, who was _on his knees_ , giving Shiro exactly what he hadn’t known he’d needed right when he needed it the most.

 

Shiro leaned against the shower door for support. He tipped his head back, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed convulsively around a sigh. His fingers tunnelled into thick black locks as Keith brought him closer to the edge of pleasure.

 

Shiro’s orgasm punched him full in the gut without warning. His fingers clenched tight against Keith’s scalp, his eyes rolled back and his whole body quaked. He felt breathless and dizzy from the pleasure, and it took him a few minutes to process the fact that Keith had already cleaned him up, put him in a pair of boxers, and got him laid out in bed.

 

Shiro came back from his orgasmic high to see Keith checking on Ryou one last time before turning off the bedside lamp and crawling into bed to curl up around Shiro. Keith spooned up behind him and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Shiro smiled and turned his head to buss Keith’s cheek with his lips.

 

“Welcome back,” Keith murmured teasingly. Shiro chuckled.

 

“Hey yourself,” Shiro mumbled. He flushed clear to his toes as Keith shuffled closer and his own arousal pressed between Shiro’s arse cheeks. Shiro looked over his shoulder at Keith as best as he could in their position.

 

“Do you want me to…” Shiro trailed off before he could finish his question, but the hand that wandered back towards Keith’s hips made his point for him. Keith reached down and twined their fingers together. Shook his head no, though there was a warm smile on his face.

 

“Not if you’re not ready for that yet, okay? You needed that orgasm more than I need a beer on a Friday night after a long week at work.” Shiro laughed outright at that, and sighed happily when Keith nuzzled into him. “We’ll worry about me _after_ we get you more comfortable in your skin, okay love?” Shiro was struck so speechless by the endearment that he could only nod his head mutely before he buried half his face in his pillow. He wanted to hide his burning face even in the dark of the bedroom.

 

A quiet whine escaped him as Keith’s fingers found the hem of his shirt. That warm, calloused hand came to stop splayed possessively over his belly. Shiro mewled when a kiss was pressed into the skin below his jaw.

 

“Thanks for askin’ though,” Keith whispered, nuzzling into the skin of Shiro’s neck. Shiro nodded and shuffled as close to Keith as he could get.

 

They stayed like that until Ryou woke for his midnight feed. After that, Shiro curled up on Keith’s chest, and fell back to sleep to the comforting, steady thump of Keith’s heartbeat.

 

He woke up the next morning with a smile still on his face.


	12. One look and my heartbeat stops.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big move happens, and Shiro leaves a session with Allura squirming and flushed. What could he be so nervous about?
> 
> This chapter inspired by WALK THE MOON's "Avalanche". Find it on your friendly streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are kids! We're finally starting to get places :D. 
> 
> So, no smut this chapter (sadly) but let me know what you think and whether you liked the chapter or not. I can assuredly say at this point that there's going to be one last major plot point that may or may not affect Shiro's road to recovery (and sex with Keith) but we'll see where the story takes us, hey?
> 
> Also, for those of you who check my tumblr for updates, I'm not planning on leaving tumblr. I'm disappointed in them, yes, especially because they're too worried about what the masses think to set up age appropriate content blockers on their site, but what can you do? I don't really jump on there that often anyway, it's mainly just to update the tumblr peeps that I've posted a new chapter or a new work so ... *shrugs*. 
> 
> Will say this though, which I got from a song from a FANTASTIC youtube video - "THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN"
> 
> Anywhoot, see ya'll next chapter!

It took another three weeks of regular visits to the shopping centre and to Dr Allura’s office before Shiro found himself standing here.

 

“I could’ve sworn you had an _apartment_ last time I went to your place,” Shiro commented, awe struck over the squat brick house he was standing in front of at the moment. The front and back yards were fenced off, from what he could see. The lawn was mown, and the garden beds looked well looked after. Keith’s motorcycle was currently parked in the open two bay garage, and Keith was standing next to him, looking at him with raised eyebrows and a faint blush on his face.

 

“I _did_ have an apartment that I _rented_ ,” Keith conceded. “ _This_ place was owned by my Dad and his side of the family. Used to be they rented it out to whoever wanted it through an agency. Out of the blue not long after you left though, Dad decided to sign the deed over to me. This place has been mine ever since.” Keith shrugged his shoulders and scrubbed his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. “I know it’s not the place you had _before_ , but…” Shiro stopped Keith, waving his free hand madly in the air in front of him as Ryou babbled curiously from his other arm.

 

“No, no!” Shiro flinched at his own exclamation, so stepped closer and softened his voice. He smiled at Keith, though it was a little shaky. “I don’t want my place from _before_ back, Keith.” Keith’s eyes filled with concern. He reached up to cup Shiro’s cheeks. Shiro couldn’t help but smile as Keith’s thumbs smoothed across the skin over his cheekbones.

 

“You sure,” Keith’s question was quiet, probing. Shiro nodded emphatically.

 

“It was where I was taken from, and it’s also full of things from my old life, Keith. I know it’s only been a few weeks now, but I’ve been a different man from the moment you found me.” Keith nodded his understanding, and twined Shiro’s free fingers through his own.

 

“Wanna come have a look, then,” Keith held the keys up between them. Shiro chuckled, nodded, and swooped in for a quick peck to Keith’s cheek. Ryou seemed to think kisses were hilarious at the moment. Every time he saw Keith and Shiro kiss in any respect of the word, the toddler immediately dissolved into fits of laughter that left the older men smiling every time. This time was no exception.

 

The keys jangled on their ring as Keith fit the right key into the lock on the front door. He pulled the screen door toward him, stuck another key into another lock, then pushed the wooden door behind the screen door so it swung wide. The younger man stepped aside, allowing Shiro and Ryou to precede him into the house.

 

Shiro couldn’t help but smile at the cool interior of the little brick house. Some of Keith’s original furniture from the apartment was here, but so were many other things that he hadn’t seen in Keith’s apartment.

 

Stepping inside felt like he was coming _home_. Which was strange, because he hadn’t seen the place before in his life. Then he turned to look at Keith over his shoulder. Keith was on his phone, probably texting Hunk about how they were going with the house visit. They would be moving over the weekend, when Hunk and Shay as well as a few others could come and give them a hand with the things they had accumulated for Shiro and Ryou over the last weeks.

 

When Keith glanced up and smiled when he saw Shiro was watching him, Shiro felt his heart stutter in his chest. That peaceful feeling of _home_ didn’t leave him. Not when Keith looked down to finish his text. Not when he shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. Not when he pushed off of the doorjamb he’d been leaning on. Especially not when Keith’s hands came to rest on his hips and he planted a quick kiss right on Shiro’s stunned speechless lips.

 

When Keith asked, a little nervously, what he thought of the place, Shiro shook his head at his own obliviousness, and smiled at Keith.

 

“I love it,” he murmured. Keith grinned at him, and Shiro’s heart stopped in his chest for a moment. It stumbled back to life as Keith tugged him through the front entry to give him a tour of the rest of the house.

 

Shiro couldn’t stop smiling the whole time.

 

*

 

The move itself went relatively quick and easy. The only one to complain the whole time was Lance, of course. Ryou did get a little upset when he was put down for his nap after their lunch break, but soon settled and drifted off to sleep amidst the adults coming and going from the house with bags, boxes and baby furniture. By the time the toddler woke from his afternoon nap, Keith’s house was baby-proofed and Ryou had his own bedroom across the hall from Keith and Shiro’s.

 

Keith still could hardly believe that this place was _theirs_. Or that he was sharing a bed with Shiro. He felt like he’d won the lottery in some respects, with the man he loved now back in his life.

 

Currently, Keith stood leaning against the partition that separated the living and dining rooms. He had a stubbie of beer in one hand which he sipped from lazily as he watched the older man putter around in the kitchen. Shiro was adding his own touches to the space, placing Ryou’s little bowls and cutlery and baby foods hereabouts.

 

It was so domestic that Keith was sure that his teenage delinquent self would have puked at the thought. Now though, Keith’s heart felt full to bursting. He almost didn’t want to go back to work at the precinct next week. Honestly, he’d actually been surprised that Kolivan had given him the time off to begin with.

 

When he stopped and thought about it though, he realised the same thing that Kolivan must have. Despite Keith’s vehement protests to the contrary, Shiro _was_ in a fragile state of mind right now. He needed to be able to feel safe and comfortable. For that he needed an established routine of some sort. It helped that they had Ryou to look after as well, because Shiro spent his days focussing on Ryou’s routine and working his own around that. He’d started doing household chores in the afternoon while Ryou napped, his sessions with Dr Allura were always around the same time in the morning every week. He showered and slept once Ryou was down for the night… it really amazed Keith how quickly Shiro appeared to be bouncing back.

 

He just couldn’t shake the feeling that next week was going to be harder on Shiro though. Because _both_ of them would have to get used to Keith not being at his side constantly. Keith _had_ to work, though. Those bills weren’t going to pay themselves, after all, despite his vehement wishes that they _would_.

 

Shiro looked up at that moment, and broke Keith from his musing. The smile on Shiro’s face was so fragile and brilliant at once that Keith’s heart slammed in his chest. He also had an involuntary boner tightening the space in his jeans now, because of that beautiful smile. Shiro turned back to his work and Keith glanced down to glare at the crotch of his jeans, a silent _don’t you dare._

 

Keith had decided the moment he opened that bathroom door a few weeks ago that he wouldn’t go any further than Shiro was willing to go for him intimately. It had worked wonders o their budding relationship and Shiro’s confidence. Keith had been going down on him _a lot_ since that first night. He couldn’t help himself, especially when Shiro came undone for him so beautifully every time. Keith loved how he twitched and quivered and moaned, how he sighed and shuddered, how he slowly started asking for more and more. Keith loved his smile, his eyes, and every one of his scars.

 

Keith loved Takashi Shirogane.

 

That realisation had initially been both elating and terrifying. Now it just _was_. It was truth, undeniable, irrefutable fact.

 

He just had to keep working hard to make sure that Shiro realised it fully. It didn’t matter as he was now what words were said to him, it was people’s actions that mattered. Keith was determined to make sure that _his_ words mattered to Shiro. Always.

 

*

 

When Shiro met him at their usual spot after his session with Dr Allura the next day, Keith looked at him in puzzlement.

 

“You okay, darlin’,” he asked after greeting the older man with a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. It’d taken a _while_ for Shiro to be comfortable enough with _that_ much public affection. “You look a little rattled.”

 

Shiro flushed pink right up to the roots of his silver hair, which Keith thought was adorable. He was also trying desperately to stop himself from popping a boner in public.

 

“Oh, uh,” Shiro trailed off in a mumble, fidgeted in his seat. “I. um, I talked with Allura about some _stuff_ today, that’s all.”

 

Keith raised an eyebrow as he sipped at his black coffee.

 

“ _Stuff_ ,” he repeated, with similar emphasis on the word that Shiro had used. “What _kinda_ stuff?”

 

Shiro squirmed again. Keith found he was having a _very_ difficult time getting his dick to cooperate with him while he was out in public like this.

 

“I, uh,” Shiro squirmed a little more in his seat, his hands stuffed in his lap, eyes trained resolutely on his cup of coffee. “ _wetalkedaboutsexstufftoday_.”

 

Now Keith had to scramble desperately to stay nonchalant. Jumping Shiro’s bones could wait til they got _home_. It _had_ to wait. Especially because this conversation was so important.

 

“Yeah,” he probed, quietly thanking the waitress when she brought out their sandwiches. “what kinda sex stuff?” Shiro twitched when the word ‘sex’ rolled off of Keith’s tongue and into the air between them. He’d managed to make it sound as monumentally important to Shiro as it was to himself, without any negative connotation behind it.

 

Shiro couldn’t seem to meet Keith’s eyes at all at the moment.

 

“We, uh,” Shiro cleared his throat nervously. “we started talking about _why_ sex is such a sensitive topic for me.” Shiro looked up and managed to meet Keith’s eyes for a second before looking back down again. “Why I’m still not ready to go all the way with you,” a shrug of broad shoulders. “You know, stuff like that.” The last words were barely audible, but Keith heard them clear as day.

 

Slowly, he reached across the table to twine his fingers through Shiro’s and rub the skin of his wrist with his thumb. He worked gentle circles into the skin, slowly calming both of their tingling nerve endings.

 

“You, you know that I was … sexually abused, while I was there, right?”

 

Keith nodded, pulled their hands toward him to kiss Shiro’s knuckles.

 

“Well, um … I didn’t really realise just how much that _damaged_ me, until I started talking with Allura about it today. I, I’m _terrified_ of hurting someone like that, or of being hurt like that again myself, Keith.” Shiro was distressed to the point that there were tears in his eyes now. Keith needed to fix that.

 

He stood, pulling Shiro up with him. He fished two twenties out of his wallet and shoved them under a plate of half-eaten sandwiches, tugged Shiro around the table and closer to him.

 

“C’mon, darlin’,” he murmured. “Let’s get you home where we can cuddle in peace, alright?”

 

Shiro sniffed back his tear and nodded, scrubbed his free hand over his eyes quickly. Keith wrapped an arm around him and led him to the motorcycle.

 

*

 

The second they got changed into comfortable clothes and settled on top of the bed covers, Shiro curled up into Keith’s chest as silent sobs wracked him. Keith had him wrapped up safe and secure in arms full of hidden, lean muscle. Soft, gentle fingers stroked through his hair and massaged his scalp while the other hand rubbed slow, calming circles into the small of his back.

 

The topic of today’s session had by far been the hardest thing he’d had to admit to Keith yet. He’d been panicking and stressing the whole time that telling Keith _why_ they hadn’t gone all the way yet would be a deal breaker for the younger man. He’d been worried that he and Ryou would be out on their arses with nowhere really to go once the conversation had come to light. He’d been worried that Keith didn’t love him _enough_ to care about the why.

 

He was _so_ relieved that he’d been wrong.

 

Which was why he couldn’t get himself to stop crying at that moment. It was such a massive weight off of his shoulders, off of his mind, that he just had to let it all out in the only way he knew how. If he were a little more honest with himself, he was also a little bit glad that Shay had agreed to look after Ryou for the day. Shiro didn’t know how Ryou would’ve reacted to seeing his daddy crying, but if he could avoid giving the toddler that experience, he would do so.

 

Keith was absolutely brilliant. He lay there with Shiro curled around him and just let Shiro cry it all out. No comments. No complaints. Just gentle fingers rubbing patterns into his skin to help calm him down again.

 

When Shiro’s crying came to a slow, shuddering halt, Keith spoke.

 

“You’re alright, darlin’. We’re in no great rush, here. We’ll be okay.”

 

Shiro leaned up to look at Keith through blurry eyes.

 

“Will we though,” he asked, voice cracking. “No sex right away is a deal breaker for most people.”

 

“I’m not most people, Takashi.”

 

Keith’s retort reached him loud and clear for the first time in a long time. Shiro smiled at Keith through his tears, leaned down, and kissed the younger man soundly on the lips. Keith’s expression was dazed when he pulled back.

 

“No, Keith. You’re _definitely_ not most people,” Shiro murmured, gazing at the younger man fondly. A corner of Keith’s mouth twitch in a little smirk that made Shiro swoon mentally. “That’s why I fell in love with you, after all.”

 

Keith’s kiss caught him completely off guard, but was definitely not unwelcome.

 

Shiro grinned into the kiss. Yeah, they’d be alright after all.


	13. Nothing is better than you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! Keith has to go back to work today and separation anxiety is a thing. Will Shiro be okay on his first day back in the world without Keith?
> 
> Chapter inspired by "Lost Boy" by 5 Seconds Of Summer, find it on your friendly streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll this week, so here - have a slightly shorter than average chapter of anxiety that ends on domestic family bliss ^3^.
> 
> Eight days til the finale! Who's excited? Cause I am XD.
> 
> See ya'll next chapter!

Shiro was apprehensive.

 

He sat up in bed, watching Keith as he brushed his teeth, scrubbed a hand through his hair, and started getting dressed.

 

Keith was going back to work today. This would be Shiro’s first day back in the world that he would spend without Keith by his side, and he was _nervous_. He wasn’t even sure if he _could_ _do it_.

 

He _really_ wished Keith didn’t have to go.

 

Keith must’ve noticed something in his face, because he sighed as he strapped on his utility belt. He came over to the bed and dropped down next to Shiro. The younger man leaned over and cupped his face, swiping his thumb affectionately across Shiro’s cheek.

 

“It’s not forever, okay? Kolivan is really helping us out here, he’s put me on day shifts only til you’re more confident being on your own in the house. If you need company, Shay and the kids are only a phone call away, okay?”

 

Shiro begrudgingly nodded. He knew that Keith needed to be able to pay the bills, but that didn’t mean he had to like it right now. He might not even like it later. Shiro’d had a _lot_ of trouble being alone since he was found. Before Kolivan gave Keith the time off, Shiro hadn’t been able to _sleep_ without Keith there with him.

 

Logically he knew it was still the saviour imprint thing Allura had discussed with him at work here, but ignoring that, he _did_ love Keith, so that wasn’t going to be a problem later, thankfully.

 

The problem was that Shiro was terrified of being alone again.

 

He’d been alone when he was taken, after all. He felt that this sense of dread burning in his gut was well justified.

 

But still he nodded his head, and managed a small smile for Keith. He knew the younger man well, if he asked it, Keith would call Kolivan and say that he was needed at home today and that would be that.

 

Allura had told him though that the only way he was going to get past his fears was to face them head on and see them through to the end. So here he was, at eight in the morning, seeing Keith off for the next nine hours. Ryou wouldn’t be awake again til nine, so Shiro was spending the first hour of the day well and truly alone.

 

When Keith leaned over for a kiss, Shiro met him halfway. Keith scrubbed an affectionate hand through Shiro’s sleep rumpled hair.

 

“You’ll be okay, darlin’,” Keith murmured, leaned in so their foreheads were pressed together. “I’ll be home before you know it, and you can tell me all about how brave you were for me today, okay?”

 

Again Shiro nodded, and again Keith smiled at him. Then Keith was tugging him by the hand out of bed.

 

“C’mon, I’ll put some toast on for us before I go.”

 

*

 

The first hour was the worst, to be sure. Shiro saw people in every shadow, and heard footsteps in every little creak the house made. At one point he was sure his heart would burst out of his chest.

 

Then, blissfully, he heard Ryou cooing and babbling over the baby monitor. He all but ran to his son’s bedroom to snatch him from his cot. Ryou thought that was a fantastic game, and shrilled his delight. Shiro couldn’t help but smile at the sound.

 

Now that his boy was awake, he could focus on his son’s daily routine. He could do this.

 

He _hoped_ he could do this, at least.

 

Shiro checked his son’s nappy as he wandered through the house to the kitchen. Once there he laid his son on one of the two change table they’d bought for him and put him in a fresh, dry nappy. Then he set about getting his baby boy his breakfast while his son played with his teddy bear in a corner of the kitchen they’d penned off. Once Shiro had a little bowl of baby custard and a sippy cup of orange juice ready and waiting, he scooped Ryou up from the floor and into his high chair.

 

*

 

With Ryou fed and happy came the next step in their daily routine. Their morning walk.

 

Thankfully, Shiro didn’t have to try and force himself through that alone just yet. He’d already organised to go walking with Shay until he felt more comfortable in the neighbourhood. She knocked on the door just as Shiro was tying the laces of his joggers, Ryou babbling in the pram beside him. He smiled at Shay and greeted her enthusiastically.

 

Her twins looked happy enough on the clip-on bicycle seats attached to Sophia’s pram. Sophia was cooing to herself inside, fully engrossed in the string of jingly toys above her head.

 

For Shiro, the walk started with tense muscles and hunched shoulders. He let Shay pick their route for them, but paid constant attention to where they were and how to get back to the house if he needed to.

 

When Shay started talking to him, asking how he was liking the house, and how his sessions with Allura were going, Shiro found himself slowly unwinding. His stride lengthened, and they got a good pace going as they made their way around the neighbourhood.

 

At the tail end of their walk, they stopped at a park near the house so the toddlers could have some fun too. Shiro clipped Ryou into the baby swing and gently pushed him along in it. Ryou couldn’t stop squealing his delight the whole time, and he loved going down the slide with Shiro just as much. He even loved getting on the toddler see-saw with the twins on the other side with Shay and Shiro to help them along.

 

Shiro didn’t realise it til after they got home from their walk and Shay was making her way back home with her kids, but the play time at the park had helped him to completely let go of any tension and just enjoy Ryou’s happiness. The realisation shocked him, but then he was grinning like a fool.

 

He couldn’t _wait_ to tell Keith.

 

Ryou was so worn out from their walk and play time at the park that he went down for his nap with no trouble at all. As ever, his teddy bear was right there by his side. While Ryou napped, Shiro packed up the pram, had a shower, and tidied up the kitchen. Once all that was done and he found Ryou still sleeping, he picked a book at random from one of Keith’s bookshelves and curled up on the couch to read til his son woke up.

 

*

 

When Shiro heard the rumble of the motorcycle pulling into the drive some time after five, he looked up eagerly from his play time on the floor with Ryou. When Keith walked in the door, Ryou babbled excitedly, crawled over to Keith, and plopped on his bum to wait til Keith had finished taking his boots off. Once that was done, Ryou made grabby hands up at Keith, babbling in what sounded like a demanding tone of voice. Both men laughed, and Keith bent to scoop Ryou up. Once Ryou was up in Keith’s arms, he touched the man’s face with pudgy little fingers, then contented himself with looking around the room from his new vantage point.

 

Keith moved to the couch and sat, settling Ryou into his lap there. He sighed, head flopping back against the top of the couch. Shiro watched as the tension bled out of the lines of Keith’s face now that he was home again.

 

“How was your day,” Keith asked quietly, moving his head enough so he could look at Shiro without having to lift it from the back of the couch. Shiro smiled at the younger man fondly.

 

“Scary, at first,” he admitted, a pink flush staining his cheeks. “to be honest, I didn’t want you to _leave_ , today. But I know you need to pay the bills, so…” Shiro trailed off with a shrug, but smiled at Keith. “It got a little better after Ryou woke up though. I was able to focus on him and forget about my own worries. Shay came for a walk with us, and we stopped at the park on our way back here.”

 

Keith grinned down at Ryou, who was currently babbling at him as well. No doubt telling him about their day as well in his baby language. “Yeah,” he asked, eyes on Ryou as he spoke to Shiro. “how did he like the park?”

 

Shiro laughed at the memory. “He _loved_ it. So much so that he went straight down for his nap today without any fuss.” Keith chuckled with Shiro as they both looked fondly at the baby. Shiro cleared his throat after a moment, which drew Keith’s attention back to him.

 

“Honestly, though? I was a little lost without you today. I didn’t know what to do with myself until Ryou woke up.” Keith studied Shiro from his position on the couch in silence for a moment, and Shiro found himself flushing again.

 

“C’mere,” Keith mumbled after a moment. Shiro was only too happy to oblige him, and curled up on one side of him, resting his chin on Keith’s shoulder. He breathed in the smell of the younger man and sighed happily. Keith wrapped an arm around him and squeezed gently. They sat like that, breathing each other in while Ryou cooed to himself on Keith’s lap. Keith’s hand was in his hair, stroking and massaging. Shiro thought that this might be the best feeling in the universe.

 

“This’s what I needed,” Keith murmured. Shiro hummed questioningly and looked up at Keith from his shoulder. Keith looked down at him, a fond smile on his face. “Just this,” he elaborated. “Us on the couch at the end of a hard day, having a cuddle til we can be bothered to get up and start dinner.”

 

Shiro tucked a smile into the sleeve of Keith’s shirt.

 

“Yeah,” he whispered happily. “I needed this too.”


	14. I'm bulletproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro gets frustrated with himself and his BIG problem. Shay provides the solution to the problem, and leaves Shiro astonished that the answer was so simple.
> 
> This chapter inspired by David Guetta and Sia's "Bulletproof". Find it on your friendly streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.... I just finished watching season eight about two hours ago now, and I have so many FEELINGS about the end of the series that I couldn't go to sleep for my work nap, so here we are! A very appropriately timed chapter release.
> 
> How do you guys feel about the end of the series? As someone who literally came into the voltron fandom on VLD, and didn't watch the original 80s show except to see the rare snippet as a kid, I'm not sure how to feel about the end of VLD, and that's about all I can say without spoiling anything...
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy the new chapter. Hopefully I can at least get a quick cat nap in now that I've gotten this out of my system.
> 
> See ya'll next update!

“So, we’ve discussed the _whys_ as to your lack of intimacy with Keith in recent sessions, so let’s take a moment to focus on what’s holding you back. Clearly nothing is stopping Keith other than your consent, am I correct?”

 

Shiro nodded.

 

“That’s right. He only ever goes as far as I’m comfortable letting him go, and he never asks that I return the favour after the fact.”

 

Allura hummed thoughtfully, and scribbled something in her notepad.

 

“Alright. Well then, what _is_ holding you back? What are you afraid of regarding being intimate with Keith?”

 

Shiro squirmed in his seat.

 

“I-I’m not entirely _sure_? I mean, I know that I’m terrified of hurting anyone in that way _ever_ again. I know that I have issues with my own self-confidence, even though Keith tells me otherwise all the time. It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable around Keith _when_ we get intimate…” Shiro groaned and scrubbed his hands through his hair, frustrated. Allura reached over and patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.

 

“It’s okay to be frustrated with yourself over this, Shiro. All you want is to be able to give as well as receive in this, and you’re not entirely sure what is holding you back or why. That’s fine. That’s what I’m here for. We _will_ get to the bottom of this dilemma of yours,” she glanced down at her watch for a moment, scribbled something else in her notepad, then looked back up at him again. “Unfortunately, a resolution will have to wait until our next session.”

 

Shiro nodded, stood, and shook Allura’s hand. “Thanks again, doc.”

 

She smiled cheerfully at him and waved him out of her office. Once Shiro booked his next appointment with Coran, Allura’s assistant, he was on his way across the street to meet up with Keith again.

 

This had been frustrating him for a _while_ now. Keith had been back at work for a month, and he was still no closer to finding out _why_ he still hadn’t had sex with Keith.

 

Keith had been completely patient throughout this process, but Shiro could tell that it was starting to wear a little on the younger man. He’d started taking care of himself in the bathroom after he took care of Shiro, and that wasn’t what Shiro wanted Keith to be doing for the rest of their relationship. But _something_ was still holding him back. He just wasn’t sure what that something was yet.

 

It was really starting to irritate him.

 

*

 

His irritation must’ve shown on his face when he met Keith at the coffee shop across the street from Allura’s office, because Keith greeted him with a peck on the cheek and a quick cuddle before they settled down to have lunch before Shiro returned home with Shay and the kids for a play date at the park while Keith went back to work for the afternoon. Keith also used a gentler tone than his usual when he asked how today’s session went. Shiro sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair at the question.

 

“We’re still trying to get to the bottom of my _problem_ ,” Shiro admitted. They’d taken to calling their lack of intimacy _the problem_ when they were out in public. Or around Hunk’s twins. Now he knew to watch what they said around Ryou once he started talking, apparently toddlers were human parrots! “I’m just getting really frustrated with it all at this point, because I love you, and I want to be able to show you that I love you, but something is still holding me back and Allura and I just can’t quite work out _what_ is holding me back yet.”

 

Keith hummed thoughtfully, stroking the back of Shiro’s hand with his thumb while he sipped his mug of black coffee. He was staring into the middle distance thoughtfully. Shiro stared down at his plate, his cheeks pinkening.

 

“Honestly Keith, I… it makes me feel like I’m not _good_ _enough_ for you sometimes,” at Keith’s alarmed look, Shiro held up his free hand and flapped it quickly. “No! You’ve _never_ made me feel that way, love. _I’ve_ been making me feel that way because of this massive mental block I’ve put on this _one_ aspect of our relationship. I know it’s not _all_ because of the time I spent being abused by Zarkon, but I just can’t work out _what it is_. And that’s why I’ve been feeling like I’m not good enough for you, Keith.” Shiro sighed and turned his eyes back to his plate again. “You deserve more than whatever broken mess I am right now.”

 

Keith stood, moved around their table, and stopped to crouch beside Shiro in his seat. He took hold of Shiro’s free hand, and pulled both metal and flesh toward himself to kiss his fingertips. The look in Keith’s eyes when Shiro managed to meet them again was so intense that Shiro squirmed in his seat and had to try _very_ hard not to pop a boner in public. He felt his cheeks heat in a blush, and froze in his seat when Keith leaned up to press a kiss to each cheek before dropping back and looking at him again.

 

“Takashi, I don’t care if I have to wait for the rest of my life for you to find the answers you need. I _love_ you, and I’m here for you, in whatever way you need. Alright?”

 

Shiro nodded. He would’ve tried a verbal response, but was pretty sure all that would escape him right them was a pitiful, horny whine. He swallowed convulsively around the nervous lump in his throat, leaned down, and kissed Keith gently in thanks.

 

The smile on Keith’s face was _totally_ worth the wolf whistles from some of the coffee shop patrons.

 

*

 

Blissfully, Shiro could forget his frustrations whenever he looked at his son having fun and enjoying his life. It seriously helped that watching his interactions with Hunk and Shay’s twins was a riot. The three boys very quickly left Shiro and Shay in stitches over their antics.

 

All three boys went down readily enough for their afternoon naps, so Shiro and Shay settled themselves in the living room with cups of tea in hand while the boys slept off their afternoon in Ryou’s room. Both adults breathed a quiet sigh of relief after the first sip of hot beverage.

 

“So,” Shay began, her tone quiet and gentle to keep from waking the children. “how have your sessions with Dr Allura been going, Shiro?”

 

Shiro sighed again, scrubbing a hand through his silver hair. All his agitation from that morning quickly rose to the surface again. He looked up at Shay, and embarrassment coloured his cheeks.

 

“Well, uh, you know how Keith and I haven’t, uh…” he trailed off, not sure how to word his question without being obvious. Shay caught on though, and nodded. Shiro raised an eyebrow in surprise and Shay giggled.

 

"Hunk told me that Keith mentioned that _that’s_ been hard on both of you lately, you especially. What’s the problem?”

 

“That’s the trouble, I _don’t_ know what the problem is.”

 

Shay hummed thoughtfully, staring into the dark liquid of her tea. She looked back up at him suddenly.

 

“When you were, um, _forced_ to participate in that program of Zarkon’s, you were the one doing the, uh, _penetrating_ , right?”

 

Shiro nodded, cheeks flushed with shame.

 

“Yes. I hurt a lot of innocent people who were stuck in the same situation as me.”

 

“But you _always_ did the penetrating?”

 

Shiro’s flush darkened.

 

“Yes.”

 

Shay’s expression brightened.

 

“Then _that’s_ your problem!”

 

She and Shiro both flinched at her inadvertent exclamation. Both stilled and went silent, listening for a minute. When they didn’t hear any noise coming from Ryou’s room down the hall, they both breathed a sigh of relief. Shiro looked up and raised an eyebrow at Shay.

 

“ _What’s_ the problem?”

 

Shay coughed to clear her throat after another sip of tea.

 

“You’re worried about _penetrating_ Keith and hurting him like you were forced to hurt the others.”

 

Shiro froze. Could it really be _that_ simple? He’d been agonising over this for _weeks_ with Allura, and Shay had gotten right to the bottom of the problem in a heartbeat.

 

“So then, the logical solution to the problem would be that you let Keith take charge, if you get me meaning.” Shay laughed at the rush of heat that flooded Shiro’s cheeks at the insinuation.

 

Let Keith take control. It sounded like such a _simple_ concept.

 

“This situation is also different because _no one_ , least of all Keith, is going to force you into anything you don’t feel comfortable doing, Shiro. It might only be the solution that makes sense to me, nothing more than that,” Shay shrugged, and both adults took another sip of their tea. They finished their drinks in relative silence while Shiro stewed over Shay’s solution to his problem. Eventually, they drained their mugs, and soon after that the kids were awake again and it was time for Shay to go home and start cooking dinner.

 

“Hunk may do most of the cooking, but some nights he comes home from work exhausted, and what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t look after my husband now and then,” she asked him teasingly, before kissing him fondly on the cheek and bundling her boys and baby girl back into the car to head home.

 

Once she was gone, Shiro drifted while he entertained Ryou on the floor with his toys. As his thoughts drifted, he realised something.

 

He may be a _very_ gay man, but it had been a _long_ time since he’d had sex of any description with another man. He’d learned _very_ quickly at the academy straight after high school that one-sided blow jobs don’t count.

 

“Shit,” he mumbled to himself. Ryou babbled and looked up at him curiously. Shiro smiled fondly at his son and rubbed his fingers through his soft, dark hair fondly.

 

“Don’t worry baby. Daddy just realised he has to do some _research_ before he tells Keith what the problem could be,” Ryou nodded as if he understood, and went back to playing with his shapes puzzle box while Shiro supervised.

 

Research indeed. He was going to have to borrow Keith’s laptop or tablet one day soon while he was at work. At least you could find _anything_ on the internet these days.

 

Shiro nodded to himself, his resolve firmed. He was on his road to recovery, and he felt that an important step in that process was going all the way with the man he’d grown to love so entirely, that the man in question was his entire world now.

 

He wasn’t the terrified man who’d stepped out of those hospital doors a few months ago now. He could do this. He _would_ do this. For his friends, for his family.

 

Most of all, he was going to do this for Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact of the day - the final line of this chapter puts us squarely on 100 pages of angsty Sheith-y goodness, with more still to come!


	15. My heart listens to the sound of your war drum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Lance cackle a LOT, and Keith takes care of Shiro ;).
> 
> This chapter inspired by Allie X feat. VERITE's "Casanova", find it on your friendly streaming service!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update has been a little while in-coming guys! TBH I had myself a Gundam SEED marathon recently, and that's all I've had in my head for a little minute (to the point where Arkadyevna is betaing a thing for me again...)
> 
> (Also as an aside, if you haven't done it already, watch Gundam SEED. There are F E E L I N G S)
> 
> Anywhoot, have a saucy saucy chapter of Sheith-y goodness ;).
> 
> See ya'll next update my dears!

How relearning the basics of sex between men turned into a meet-up at the local bar with Lance and Pidge, Shiro would _never_ know.

 

Yet, somehow, that was _exactly_ what was happening, as he clumsily explained to his friends that Shay of all people had found the root of his problem, and that the current trouble was that he had no clue what to _do_ so that he _could_ go all the way with Keith. At this point Shiro was as desperately horny as he was _sure_ Keith was getting, he was just fucking clueless and didn’t have access to the internet for various reasons.

Lance and Pidge let him rant uninterrupted, then promptly giggled into their steins of beer until Shiro glared them into the occasional chuckle. Lance handed his phone over to Shiro with a flourish after a minute tapping away at his screen.

 

Shiro flushed and slapped the phone screen down onto the bar top.

 

_“Lance,”_ Shiro hissed. “We’re in a _fucking bar_!”

 

Pidge cackled on Shiro’s other side, then downed the rest of her stein. For a tiny woman, she sure could hold her liquor.

 

“C’mon, we’ll go someplace where you’re less likely to strangle Lance over this,” Pidge sniggered. Lance cackled and leapt from his seat, foam still clinging to his upper lip. Shiro downed the last inch of his glass and followed the younger pair out into the cold night air.

 

*

 

Three and a half blocks later, Shiro stood on the sidewalk, blinking at the discreet (yet totally _indiscreet_ ) shopfront. He scowled at Pidge, who grinned lecherously and strolled inside, arm in arm with Lance, who was still cackling.

 

Shiro followed with decidedly less ease of movement.

 

He stepped inside to find his friends having a rather lively conversation with the bubbly store clerk, who nodded along as Pidge explained that her friend _‘over there’_ (with a gesture in his direction) was _‘hopelessly demisexually in love with his boyfriend and didn’t know how to do the do’_. Shiro would’ve growled at his tiny friend if her statement weren’t at least somewhat accurate.

 

The clerk clucked in sympathy, then turned to Shiro, raising a questioning eyebrow.

 

“You prefer to top, or bottom?”

 

The question was so bluntly to the point it left Shiro choking on his own tongue. The clerk turned back when Pidge tugged on her sleeve to tell her _‘the man is a bottom’_. Information acquired, the clerk gave them all a tour of the appropriate sections of the store, and even pulled out a copy of the Kama Sutra to show Shiro some positions he and Keith could potentially try.

 

Shiro left the store with a bottle of lube and a pair of different sized butt plugs in a plain black plastic bag. Not to mention his face was still hot from the flaming blush that hadn’t abated from the moment he walked into the store with Pidge and Lance.

 

Shiro was sure he’d died and gone to some weird corner of Hell, the amount of giggling and cackling Pidge and Lance had been doing tonight.

 

“Well, that’s one way to find out whatcha need to know,” Pidge teased with a grin. Shiro groaned his misery. His friends laughed at him again.

 

“Hey, where’s Keith anyhow,” Lance asked suddenly, as they made their way back to the bar to have one more round before calling it a night. “You guys’ve been attached at the hip whenever he’s not at work.” Shiro chuckled and shook his head at Lance.

 

“Not always. He’s over at Hunk’s with Ryou. They’re watching the game and having a few private beers while they watch the boys. And while Shay watches them.” Pidge snorted, and Lance was clutching his sides he was laughing so hard. Shiro had forgotten what it was like to hang around these two. The small smile on his face had both of them looking at him with raised eyebrows. Shiro shrugged in response.

 

“What? I just realised how much I missed doing things like this, is all.”

 

Shiro wheezed at the sudden force that impacted his abdomen. Pidge was squeezing him tight about the waist. Lance reached around her to squeeze Shiro’s shoulder.

 

“We missed this too,” Lance murmured. Pidge nodded her agreement into Shiro’s black wool sweater. Shiro smiled at Pidge when she pulled away, and made no complaints when she linked her arms through his and Lance’s for the remainder of their walk back to the bar.

 

*

 

Shay picked them all up an hour and a half later, and dropped Keith, Ryou and himself off at their house first. All of their friends waved goodbye as Shay backed the van out to continue on to the next drop off point for the night. Keith turned to unlock the door, and glanced down at Shiro’s plastic bag.

 

“What’s in the bag,” he asked curiously, bouncing a sleepy Ryou gently as he opened the door to let them into the house.

 

“It’s a surprise. Well, as soon as I work it out, anyway.”

 

Keith nodded and hummed thoughtfully, but didn’t press the issue. Ryou whined a little, and made grabby hands towards Shiro. Shiro smiled as Keith passed him over.

 

“You tired, little man,” Shiro asked quietly. Ryou nuzzled into Shiro’s neck and huffed in answer. Both men looked at each other over the toddler’s head and chuckled quietly. Without needing to say anything, Keith went to the kitchen to make them some tea and toast for a late-night snack while Shiro went to change Ryou and put him down for the night.

 

Before he stepped into Ryou’s room, he ducked into the bedroom to shove the plastic bag into the back of one of his drawers in the dresser. With his purchases hidden for another day, Shiro went to sort Ryou out for bed.

 

*

 

Shiro sighed happily as he took his first sip of tea and snuggled further into Keith’s arm under the blanket. They had Netflix open, but hadn’t decided what to watch yet. They were just enjoying the quiet and each other’s company.

 

“How was your night,” Shiro murmured, before taking a bite out of his buttered toast. Keith hummed a positive noise around his mouthful of tea.

 

“It was good,” he admitted a moment later. “The Lions won the match, which was a bonus. And the boys had a blast. I think Balmera got a little sick of them by the end of the night.” They both laughed at that. The idea of Balmera getting sick of attention was ludicrous, to say the least.

 

“What about your night,” Keith asked, setting his empty mug and plate aside before resting his cheek on the top of Shiro’s head. Shiro sighed into the warmth of Keith’s embrace, and rubbed his thumbs slowly across the warm ceramic of his own half empty mug.

 

“Lance and Pidge are as evil as they ever were,” he admitted. Keith snorted.

 

“That’s nothing new.” Shiro nodded and laughed as well.

 

“I had fun though,” he admitted, a small smile on his face as he stared at the TV screen. “I didn’t realise how much I missed our nights out til tonight.”

 

Keith hummed thoughtfully, and they lapsed back into silence for a while.

 

Next thing Shiro knew, his arm was wrapped around Keith’s shoulders and Keith was guiding him to the bedroom. He didn’t realise how tired he’d been til he was jostled awake the short distance between the couch and the bedroom. He dropped to the bed with a sigh, and didn’t protest when Keith gently tugged off his socks, button down, and jeans to leave him in his tank top and boxer briefs.

 

He’d stopped protesting having his clothes taken off after the first few times Keith touched him as reverently as he did just now. He watched through hooded eyes as Keith stripped til he was in just his boxers, watched as he climbed into bed and spooned up behind Shiro where he lay curled on his side. Watched as he reached out past Shiro to turn off the side table lamp. He near purred when Keith pressed a handful of kisses to the skin behind his ear.

 

“G’night, love,” Keith mumbled, sighing into his shoulder. Shiro mumbled a garbled noise in response, already halfway asleep.

 

*

 

Shiro was bloody irritated.

 

He was stood in the bathroom, pants and underwear kicked aside. He’d braced himself with one hand against the bathroom counter. The fingers of his free hand were slicked liberally with lube, and he was prodding rather blindly at his own arse.

 

He was hard, he was horny, and he couldn’t make himself feel good this way to save his life.

 

Shiro groaned his frustration, dropping his forehead to the cool laminate of the countertop.

 

He lost track of the time, but knew that Keith was due home soon. He’d wanted to try things out by himself first, to work out what he did and didn’t like. All that plan had left him with was a hard on he was determined not to touch, and a distinct lack of sexual gratification.

 

He froze at the barely-there sound of the front door opening and closing.

 

_Shit_.

 

It took twenty-three seconds for Keith to find him in the bathroom, bare-arsed, hard, and slick fingered.

 

Both men turned beet-red. After a few seconds of silent staring, Shiro squeaked in embarrassment, and Keith covered his eyes with a hand.

 

“Sorry, darlin’,” Keith exclaimed quietly, since Ryou was down for a nap. “You’re busy, so I’ll just-” Keith turned to leave the bathroom, which had Shiro grabbing for Keith’s wrist with the hand he didn’t cover in lube. Keith stopped in his tracks, back turned to Shiro. Shiro leaned into Keith, resting his forehead between Keith’s shoulder-blades.

 

“Don’t go,” Shiro mumbled. He felt the tension drain out of Keith, before the younger man turned round to take Shiro into his arms.

 

“What are you hoping will happen, darlin’,” Keith asked softly. Shiro buried his face in the skin of Keith’s neck.

 

“Well, I talked with Shay about why we haven’t been, um…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. Well, she thinks that the problem is that I was thinking in terms of _me_ being … _on top_.”

 

Keith cleared his throat, but his voice was still a strangled croak when he said “yeah?”

 

“Yeah. I told Lance and Pidge the other night at the bar, and, well, we went for a walk to a nearby store. The clerk helped me out, gave me tips and stuff. I wanted to try it by myself first, but … well, I-”

 

Shiro squeaked again when Keith tucked his fingers under his chin, pulling Shiro’s head up so that they were looking each other in the eye. Keith dropped a quick kiss to Shiro’s lips, and had Shiro whimpering in nervous excitement.

 

“You couldn’t work things out, huh?”

 

Shiro flushed, and shook his head. Keith leaned in and pressed his lips to the spot below Shiro’s ear that had him mewling.

 

“Wan’ me to make you feel good, darlin’?”

 

That question had Shiro shuddering in anticipation and nervousness. Keith pulled his head up again to look Shiro in the eye, and he saw the desire that had darkened Keith’s eyes plainly. Desire for _him_.

 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, Shiro. If you’re not ready-”

 

“But that’s just _it_ , Keith,” Shiro exclaimed, cutting Keith off. “I _am_ ready. I’ve _been_ ready for so long now. I was just so afraid of _hurting_ you or anyone else ever again that I didn’t _realise_ that there’s more than one way to go about things.”

 

Keith blinked at the end of Shiro’s tirade, then Shiro was hoisted up into Keith’s arms. Shiro squeaked and clutched at the younger man’s shoulders as Keith lifted him firmly and steadily, hands resting on Shiro’s thighs just beneath his arse.

 

The intent in Keith’s eyes left Shiro shuddering with nervous excitement before their lips met somewhere in the middle on their short commute between bathroom and bedroom. It was far from gentle, teeth clacked sharply together, and Shiro was pretty sure he could taste a little blood, certain one of them had bitten the other a little too hard. Tongue warred with tongue as Shiro felt himself being lowered gently to the mattress. Shiro moaned into the kiss as Keith’s hands left his legs and trailed up his sides, bringing his t-shirt with them. They broke the kiss to rid themselves of the offending shirt, and Shiro realised that he was once again bare for Keith’s perusal. Keith looked him over slowly, which left Shiro squirming nervously under him. Then, Keith leaned down, pressing a line of kisses and nibbles along Shiro’s throat, down over his collarbones, where he came to a stop at one of Shiro’s nipples. A warm tongue swirled over the firm bud, which left Shiro gasping. Keith looked up at him, and Shiro saw the desire in his eyes again. _Desire for Shiro_.

 

“Keith,” he whimpered, reaching out to tunnel flesh and metal fingers through Keith’s hair.

 

“No worries, darlin’,” Keith mumbled into his skin. “I gotcha. I’ll make you feel good.”

 

Keith made short work of winding Shiro back up again as he made his way down, this time by-passing Shiro’s cock, which left him groaning in frustration. He sat up, gasping in surprised pleasure when gentle teeth nipped at the sensitive skin of his perineum.

 

“Keith,” he moaned, tugging on the hair he was clutching. The look of intent in Keith’s eyes was devilish as he moved further down.

 

The first touch of Keith’s tongue to Shiro’s entrance had Shiro gasping and twitching in surprised pleasure. The second touch had him panting and moaning. He was so distracted by that tongue that he didn’t notice Keith cracking open the lube he’d thought to bring with them from the bathroom and coating his fingers.

 

He _did_ notice when his fingers moved down to join his tongue there, probing gently before one pushed in slowly to the first knuckle.

 

Shiro whimpered, not sure how he felt about the strange, foreign sensation. He hadn’t managed to get more than the tips of his own fingers inside himself, so having Keith tonguing him there while the first finger was thrust slowly in and out til it bottomed out had Shiro twitching and gasping and panting. When the second finger joined the first it felt strange again, though Keith was excellent at distracting Shiro from the strange feeling with his lips and tongue.

 

When the second finger bottomed out it brushed against something that had Shiro throwing his head back, his back bowing, and his hips twitching upward, chasing the sensation. Keith pulled his head away from between Shiro’s legs to smirk at Shiro when he came back down from that bright spark of pleasure.

 

“Like that, darlin’?”

 

“What _was_ that?”

 

Keith smirked, leaned to one side to kiss one of Shiro’s thighs. “Just your prostate.”

 

Shiro whimpered when Keith twitched his fingers again, stimulating that spot inside him again.

 

Keith started to spread his fingers inside Shiro, stretching him slowly and gently, leaving Shiro bucking, moaning and whimpering every time Keith poked his prostate.

 

“Just imagine it, darlin’,” Keith murmured, trailing kisses along his thighs all the while. “If my fingers can make you feel this good, imagine how good it’ll feel when we finally go all the way together.”

 

“God, _Keith_ ,” Shiro whimpered. His eyes slid closed as he tossed his head back, his whole body twitching and bucking from the pleasure he was feeling. Pleasure that Keith was giving him, always without expecting anything in return.

 

Keith. His Keith. His beautiful, gentle, patient and caring Keith.

 

“ _Keith!_ ” Shiro screamed as white starbursts overtook his vision and he came undone, leaving a sticky mess across his own torso. He shuddered and twitched as he came slowly down from the high of his orgasm, panting for breath. He twitched when Keith gently pulled his fingers from Shiro’s rhythmically clamping hole, and he whimpered at the loss of feeling full of something alongside the pleasure.

 

Keith crawled up the length of Shiro’s body and leaned down to pepper his face with kisses. Shiro sighed when warm lips touched his, and kissed Keith back tenderly. When Keith pulled back, Shiro opened his eyes and smiled languidly at the younger man.

 

“Hey, welcome back,” Keith teased. Shiro chuckled, reaching out to twine his fingers with Keith’s.

 

“What about you,” Shiro murmured questioningly. Keith smiled tenderly at him, brought their hands up to kiss the back of Shiro’s, and shook his head.

 

“I’m fine ‘til you’re ready to go all the way, darlin’. This’s always been about making you feel comfortable with sex again. If I have to put up with blue balls for a while …” Keith shrugged, kissing the back of Shiro’s hand again, his thumb rubbing slow, gentle circles into the skin of Shiro’s hand.

 

Shiro smiled at Keith and squeezed his hand gratefully.

 

“Soon,” Shiro murmured, the promise hanging heavy in the air between them.

 

Keith’s smile was dazzling.

 

“I know, darlin’. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did I mention that this fic has its own Spotify playlist?
> 
> Well, yeah, it does. I'm building the playlist as I build the story, because I generally find the song that takes the story where I want it to go before I start writing each new chapter. 
> 
> Search "More Than I Can Take" on Spotify and hit the follow button if you feel like it ^_^. You'll be able to have a rough idea of when a new chapter is coming based on when new songs are added (because I usually smash out new chapters in a couple of days after I find the right song). 
> 
> So yeah, if you want the most accurate way to tell when I'm gonna update this fic, go find that playlist, kay? :)


End file.
